Friday, July 6, 2012

Day 5

I woke up this morning to the screams and laughter of my sons, nieces, and nephew bounding off the walls. GOOD MORNING!

My brother in law and I went for a bike ride, and we passed an area with grazing animals. I saw one and it was the oddest beast I'd ever seen. Why it had a eucalyptus branch in its hand and positioned so far from the tree I will never know.


The bike rides help keep me sane right now. Thankfully I've not experienced any nausea from the chemo, but after 12pm I start to feel beat down a bit, get minor headaches, and sometimes feel achy like I have the flu. I really can't complain given the fact that I'm housing some majorly toxic material designed to straight up annihilate cancer cells in my body. I am happy to endure given that I know this liquid poison is killing Toomie, that little selfish bastard. In fact, I think he's been making my pancreas the whiner organ in my body.

I've imagined conversations with my pancreas and the other organs, and pancreas is probably on the outs, by no fault of his own. It's got Toomie with which to contend, but the other organs couldn't really give a shit.
Kidneys: Hey Liver, you want to go check out the drainage in the common bile duct?
Liver: Nah, it's not so much fun any more now that Pancreas has Toomie, and the two of them are such attention whores.
Duodenum: Tell me about it...all Pancreas does is whine about how it's going to get chopped up in a Whipple procedure all because of Toomie. Jerk doesn't even mention that it also means I'm going to get the axe as well.
Kidneys: Yeah, that sucks, Duodenum. As least you'll always have the Family Guy reference to you acting up.*
Duodenum: Yeah. Man that show cracks me up! Is there a bad episode?
Liver: I know, right?! How many voices does Seth MacFarlane do?
Kidneys: Seriously! That guy is a genius.
Pancreas: Heeeeyyyyy guys.
Kidneys, Liver, Duodenum: [in bored drone] Hi Pancreas.
Toomie: [cheerily] Hi guys!
All: Fuck you, Toomie.
Pancreas: Sorry for being such a stick in the mud. I'm just feeling so tired these days, plus I have this stent in my duct. If I had an ass, then this stent would be in it.
Toomie: I like sugar, and growing mindlessly in Pancreas because I'm a fucking tool.
All: We know, Toomie.
Kidneys: You suck, Toomie.
Liver: You're such a buzzkill, Toomie. God I can't wait til they take you out. You blow dead rats!
Duodenum: How's that chemo taste, Toomie?
Toomie: It's kinda tangy and makes my cancer hurt, and I'm so lame that I don't care. I eat anything. I'm kinda like those heavyset people who go to Cracker Barrel, and stuff themselves until their asses are able to form a localized singularity causing all the matter and energy in the surrounding area to gravitate and be consumed by the sheer cosmic ass mass in a single dark hole.
Liver: Guess what, Toomie...on the way out during the Whipple procedure...
Pancreas: Aww man....I have to have one of those....
Kidneys: Shut up Pancreas....
Liver: ...on the way out, I'm totally going to stab you in the cancer.
Toomie: You're a liver, you can't even wield a knife!
Liver: Bite me, Toomie! Gall Bladder is going to make one out of its secretions, and I'm going to cut you in your stupid cancerous cancer.
*see see 15:26 for duodenum reference
At least, that's what I have so far. We'll have to see how it goes from there.

My oncology nutritionist indicated that I need to watch my sugars, because Toomie likes them. Ass. I'm going to figure out how to creatively enjoy food while at the same time eating to kill Toomie.

[Technical side-note: I know some of you are part of the Google Group I set up that sends out an email whenever I update my blog. It's much more of a thrilling experience to just go directly to the blog, as opposed to reading it in the un-sexy format of the email notification. Just read it at http://jromi.blogspot.com. If you're inclined to subscribe, I've added a service to which you can add your email. Just scroll the bottom and follow the steps.]

3 comments:

Cathy Reaves said...

"[Technical side-note: I know some of you are part of the Google Group I set up that sends out an email whenever I update my blog. It's much more of a thrilling experience to just go directly to the blog, as opposed to reading it in the un-sexy format of the email notification. Just read it at http://jromi.blogspot.com]"

You analytics whore..... ;-)

Jromi said...

Thank you for the additional content Cathy. Your comment will continue to bring page views and all the internety money will just keep rollin in. Ka-ching

Sherry Fredrick said...

I wonder if you can have Stevia or Agave instead of sugar? Ask your doctors. Trader Joes has these packets of Stevia that are not terrible/bitter at all. And, Agave syrup has a low glycemic index but I have no idea if Toomie will like it or not, so that is question for doc. I LOVE your internal dialog, you are so so so so awesome Jeremy. That is just the type of imagery your body needs to get rid of this thing and to heal. You go my brotha. Sending you insane bursts of fighting and healing energy every day, from my guts. I am crushing that tumor and the cells in my mind for you too.