Wednesday, March 28, 2007

That settles it: I am joining the Army

I had been waffling on the edge there for a while. I knew I was going to join the Armed Services, but I just wasn't sure in which branch I wanted to serve.

I had narrowed it down to the Marines or the Army. Not that there's anything wrong with the Navy or the Navy Junior, I mean, the Air Force.

Do I do Marine Recon or become an Army Ranger then proceed onto Special Forces, and finally become an Operator in SFOD-Delta? Either way, I'd want to get some tattoos done to commemorate the journey. Well, the Marines can kiss the Semper Fi tattoo on their collective grandpappy's forearm, because they won't be able to get inked themselves.
That's right. The Marines are banning their troops from inking themselves with any new "oversized" tattoos below the elbow or the knee, saying such body art is harmful to the Corps' discipline-and-honor persona. There are also restrictions placed on tattoos that are visible should the Marine be wearing a tank top or some other kind of revealing gym-related piece of clothing. It sounds like there's some discretion with how big is big, however. Needless to say, if I want to get sleeved with my unit's motto, or have "MOM" or some other text inscribed in my flesh, then I want to be able to do it.

Whether I'm tanked with my buddies and we decide to get full color bloody swords stamped on our necks, or I want to have notches inked on my hands for each one of my confirmed kills - I want to be able to do it whenever and wherever I please.

That's why I'm joining the Army. The Army lets me have any body part I want inked up as much as I want. LOVE and HATE on my knuckles? Do it. FREEDOM OR DEATH ringed around my neck? That's mine, baby. It's good to have choices.

[FYI - this is a joke. I am not serious. Several readers have expressed shock and awe at my foolishness in making an incorrect life decision. Yes, I know the Air Force was originally part of the Army and was called the Army Air Corps, just like the Marines originated as an extension of the Navy and share a common ancestry with the Royal (British) Marines. My deliberate inaccurate comments are made in jest. I'm making a satirical commentary on the Calvin-pissing sticker people of America. Deep breaths.]

1 comment:

L3xicaL said...

I can't tell if this is a joke or not.