You are now watching me tuck a t-shirt into my underwear

This has been generating more buzz than ol' sparky! It's Web 2.0 in your face...all the time: Justin.tv. Justin is Justin Kan, formerly known as the guy who sold an online calendaring tool on ebay (the winning bid was $258,000).

The site's crazy stupid busy, and only allows so many connections to the server, so this embedded video may not help you out right now. (Note to VP of Tech, Kyle Vogt: need more bandwidth please). Depending on when you look, you might only see a bedroom with someone with the covers pulled over his head. That's Justin Kan sleeping.



Who'd thunk that your average Justin 20-something wearing a headcam, and connecting it to a mobile wireless transmitter to stream video would make such a splash. He's even made his mobile number available for those that wish to call him while he's out and about filming a day in a life: 415-948-3219.

I would imagine that online advertisers are slitting each other's throats to put some clever flash/rollover banners on the site. Justin.tv not only allows you to watch the riveting drama of him sleeping (depending on when you watch), but also to chat with other folks who come to the site.
You can just see advertisers salivating over this. Who's going to be the first to pay to have their product or service plastered on the viewing portal of someone's life? Now, to maintain the viewer base what kinds of activities will they need to do? I'm assuming the traffic to the site is considerable, but at some point it might get stale.

They should stage a car-jacking or stick-up, then go to prison where they find Allah, then Tom Cruise comes in as a visitor, and gets the Governator to pardon them, then Tom packs them all in a spaceship and flies them to meet Xenu...and we could watch the whole thing.

Still, I like the idea. I'd like for Karl Rove to sport streaming video when he's gettin' jiggy around the White House. I know he's not always the cool M.C. Rove he appears to be. I wonder what kind of riveting material we'd get out of him.

To go off on a seemingly unrelated Web 2.0 tangent: I was having a discussion with my father-in-law the other night about an interview he saw. The topic of the interview was the current White House administration and the subtopic was casualties of war. One of the interviewees...I forgot who it was...said something to the effect that in a war a country must endure having its children slain in combat, while in this administration this loss is compounded by the fact that we have a President whose leadership facilitates the loss of truth.

Maybe this is where the intersection of these two stories lie: Justin.tv might not be exciting, but at least it's something we can trust for the most part.

Rove plans on being the next GOP-branded American Idol guest judge

But first he has to dance for Paula Abdul. If she approves, then he gets to come on the show and select the worst dancer and singer, using his performance on the 2007 Radio and Television Correspondents' Association dinner as the baseline.
You missed it? Oh...well check out the video, and wait for the last 2 minutes. That's when you'll know that there are other people on the planet with rhythm worse than you. He spent all his youth focused on acquiring the One Ring of power and/or modeling his behavior after Gollum, that he never learned how to dance.

Dubya thought it was funny...or was he morbidly laughing at his own jokes about how low his approval rating is, or that Congress passed the spending bill he's threatening to veto and that his veil of shadow is slowly being lifted from the face of the world?
No Dubya...we're laughing at you, not with you. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! Ha.

That settles it: I am joining the Army

I had been waffling on the edge there for a while. I knew I was going to join the Armed Services, but I just wasn't sure in which branch I wanted to serve.

I had narrowed it down to the Marines or the Army. Not that there's anything wrong with the Navy or the Navy Junior, I mean, the Air Force.

Do I do Marine Recon or become an Army Ranger then proceed onto Special Forces, and finally become an Operator in SFOD-Delta? Either way, I'd want to get some tattoos done to commemorate the journey. Well, the Marines can kiss the Semper Fi tattoo on their collective grandpappy's forearm, because they won't be able to get inked themselves.
That's right. The Marines are banning their troops from inking themselves with any new "oversized" tattoos below the elbow or the knee, saying such body art is harmful to the Corps' discipline-and-honor persona. There are also restrictions placed on tattoos that are visible should the Marine be wearing a tank top or some other kind of revealing gym-related piece of clothing. It sounds like there's some discretion with how big is big, however. Needless to say, if I want to get sleeved with my unit's motto, or have "MOM" or some other text inscribed in my flesh, then I want to be able to do it.

Whether I'm tanked with my buddies and we decide to get full color bloody swords stamped on our necks, or I want to have notches inked on my hands for each one of my confirmed kills - I want to be able to do it whenever and wherever I please.

That's why I'm joining the Army. The Army lets me have any body part I want inked up as much as I want. LOVE and HATE on my knuckles? Do it. FREEDOM OR DEATH ringed around my neck? That's mine, baby. It's good to have choices.

[FYI - this is a joke. I am not serious. Several readers have expressed shock and awe at my foolishness in making an incorrect life decision. Yes, I know the Air Force was originally part of the Army and was called the Army Air Corps, just like the Marines originated as an extension of the Navy and share a common ancestry with the Royal (British) Marines. My deliberate inaccurate comments are made in jest. I'm making a satirical commentary on the Calvin-pissing sticker people of America. Deep breaths.]

The most important print job you'll ever queue

After you read about how the Senate refused to remove a withdrawl deadline from the spending bill that they approved (which means it'll now go in front of the brightest chimp ever to wear custom-made suits), you'll need to print out your very own Sanjaya Malakar hair-do cut-outs.
I hope he wins and Simon has to sign him. At this point you will know that Judgement Day is here and you should repent your sins, sinner.

Rich and value-driven content for the whole family!

I think you should all check out this wonderful family film once the Church of Family Values and Prudence approves the use of the machine-gun leg.


Finally...proof that immigrants are taking American jobs. This is shocking and heart-wrenching stuff. Hold your loved ones close while viewing...it's new...it's here...it's video content from theonion.


Condi goes to meet with the emperors of the Orient. I especially like the fact that the jet takes the same course as a water-borne vessel.

If YouTube is Del, then NBC and Fox are the Backstreet Boys

"Del" is Del the Funkee Homosapien. He's a rapper from Oakland. Often respected as one of the most creative, yet under-represented artists in the field of high-rollin', cocaine romance (I'm looking at you Young Jeezy) fueled rap that's out today.

The comparison I'm making here is that YouTube is...or was...the cool "underground" thing. Its coolness was then slightly marred by the purchase of Google, but the nail in the coffin was when litigation suits on copyrighted material flocked upon its carcass of coolness like flies to roadkill. To put it another way, the YouTube lifeclock is blinking, and Sandmen are on the way.

Still, YouTube had something. At least that's what the guys at NBC and Fox News decided. The fast followers that they are seem to be plotting to usurp the successful model of a cool and innovative company in an effort to pump their crappy content in a most un-cool way. It started when Viacom went after YouTube and forced them to drop copyrighted material, solely because they became part of the Google family, which has deep pockets and considerable online presence.

Never mind the fact that Viacom seems to be playing the role of the pot calling the kettle black, as their subsidiary, ifilm.com, has protected material available as well. I'm not the first to say this, but given this instance of hypocrisy I think Viacom might have some difficulty in proving their case if they should file a suit against YouTube.

Regardless, I'm getting on my soapbox and postulatin' my hypotheses that large communication ubercorps like Viacom and NBC would prefer to get have YouTube/Google (YTG) out of the picture in the area of video content delivery because YTG user traffic dilutes the market share that other video content purveyors could claim.

To take it one step further, the YTG product is so cool, but it's too free, and that isn't good because that means that it's something that's popular but not paid for, which isn't right. Thus, ubercorps must crush YTG so that they cannot continue to threaten other media monsters, who in turn will appropriate the model/delivery vector and agri-fatten it up with bloated ads that you'll need to watch before viewing some lame piece on "Bay Area Backroads". To summarize, the fast-follower behemoths seek to leverage their collective capital in order to wrench control of a good thing away from YTG, in order to better commodify the content and space and make it uncool.

Quick...start finding or starting the next YouTube and don't tell anyone. Make it accessible only by way of mouth or a secret knock or something.

The best place to work isn't Halliburton, but Google isn't bad

According to an online poll taken at the consumerist site, Cheney's baby, Halliburton, actually came in a close second. The winning WORST COMPANY in 2007 was the RIAA. What does the consumerist send the winner? A golden dog turd, of course.
This comes as a bit of a coinky-dink given my post from yesterday. I'm assuming that people are pissed at the constant bombardment of the RIAA on people for downloading music, and attempting to blame them for losing money, when really they should be realizing that they're just pumping out crap, which will earn them just that.

On the flip side, it sounds like Google is the best place to work.

What are some of the perks?

At Google you can do your laundry; drop off your dry cleaning; get an oil change, then have your car washed; work out in the gym; attend subsidized exercise classes; get a massage; study Mandarin, Japanese, Spanish, and French; and ask a personal concierge to arrange dinner reservations. Naturally you can get haircuts onsite. Want to buy a hybrid car? The company will give you $5,000 toward that environmentally friendly end. Care to refer a friend to work at Google? Google would like that too, and it'll give you a $2,000 reward. Just have a new baby? Congratulations! Your employer will reimburse you for up to $500 in takeout food to ease your first four weeks at home. Looking to make new friends? Attend a weekly TGIF party, where there's usually a band playing. Five onsite doctors are available to give you a checkup, free of charge.

It's interesting to note that work environments like this are usually not advertising the work-life balance because when all these amenities become woven into the tapestry of your life, your time at work is your life. Why would you leave? Go home to your wife? Sheesh...she's already hanging out in the parent lounge adjacent to the day-care center. Must be nice when your stock is worth $483 a share. Google is definitely not getting any golden turds.

Needless to say, I'm reminded of a theme present in Margaret Atwood's book, Oryx and Crake, where supercompanies begin to take the place of regional governments, and the sole purpose of existence is to remain affiliated with a firm that can not only employ you, but offer a modicum of safety. Compound the fact that the government seems to be able to provide funding ($624,000,000,000) for a defense budget while cutting education dollars, maybe it won't be long before we see Google start its own K-16 program for employee children, where they work on all things Google from life to death behind a safe partition of glass and mortar.

CD sales suck, and it's not your fault

It's not your fault, Will.

Highlights (from WSJ.com):

"One week, "American Idol" runner-up Chris Daughtry's rock band sold just 65,000 copies of its chart-topping album; another week, the "Dreamgirls" movie soundtrack sold a mere 60,000. As recently as 2005, there were many weeks when such tallies wouldn't have been enough to crack the top 30 sellers. In prior years, it wasn't uncommon for a No. 1 record to sell 500,000 or 600,000 copies a week."

"The music industry has been banking on the rise of digital music to compensate for inevitable drops in sales of CDs. Apple's 2003 launch of its iTunes Store was greeted as a new day in music retailing, one that would allow fans to conveniently and quickly snap up large amounts of music from limitless virtual shelves."

"It hasn't worked out that way -- at least so far. Digital sales of individual songs this year have risen 54% from a year earlier to 173.4 million, according to Nielsen SoundScan. But that's nowhere near enough to offset the 20% decline from a year ago in CD sales to 81.5 million units. Overall, sales of all music -- digital and physical -- are down 10% this year. And even including sales of ringtones, subscription services and other "ancillary" goods, sales are still down 9%, according to one estimate; some recording executives have privately questioned that figure, which was included in a recent report by Pali Research."

"Meanwhile, one billion songs a month are traded on illegal file-sharing networks, according to BigChampagne LLC."

Let's not blame this all on Best Buy and illegal downloads. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the majority of music that gets cranked out suffers from being soulless, contrived, and manufactured. Am I old and crotchety for saying that DJ Unk doesn't inspire me to walk it out?

It's tough being a DVD-sniffing dog

If you're a dog, living in Malaysia, and trained to sniff for plastic, then you might have the life expectancy of a Double O agent.

Crime lords who recently lost (an estimated) $3 million shipment of pirated games and movies apparently put it out on the grapevine that they want the pups dead. As dead as how de Niro articulates when portraying Al Capone in The Untouchables: "I want him..DEAD! I want his family...DEAD! I want his house...burnt down to THE GROUND...I wanna go there in the middle of the night and piss on his ashes!"

Needless to say, the dogs have been placed into protective custody (a bullet proof doghouse), and wear Kevlar doggie vests 24 hours a day. A special troupe of "poison-tasting" dogs have been conscripted from local pounds to sample each meal. Several dog advocate groups have filed suits against the Malaysian government for the alleged unfair duty being assigned to the conscripts. Several government officials have made off-the-record comments indicating that the dead poisoned dogs are being used to help American relief efforts in Iraq, as a plan suggested by Darth Vader (I mean, Karl Rove). The deal involves the Malaysian government selling the deceased dogs to Iraq for use in their meat processing plants.

Rove was quoted as saying, "Hell, who are we to say it's wrong to eat dog!? It's not like they don't purge all the poison from the dog before they render its flesh into tasty kabob-sized morsels! I'm just happy that we were able to liberate these backwards people and give them a job processing dead poisoned dogs that end up being sold in stores across that beautiful country, so their newly democratized children have something to eat other than dirt, which now contains 1000 parts of glass and shrapnel per 1 ounce clod!"

When asked if Rove had ever sampled the dogmeat, he responded, "No, my evil keeps me full during the day, and it's like a warm blanket at night."

Will Rove be the fish that got away?

The House Judiciary sub-committee approved subpoenas for White House chief political adviser Karl Rove, Harriet E. Miers, the former White House counsel, and other aides. This means that they will need to, under oath and on the record, answer for their roles in the dismissal of U.S. Attorneys (USA) within the Justice Department.

Initially, an offer was made of having Rove "testify" behind closed doors without having to be sworn in, nor having the dialog taken as record. Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Patrick Leahy (Dem-VT) called b-s on that.

The issue at hand behind this is a tiny provision in the Patriot Act that gives the President the authority to fill empty capacities with attorneys of his choice, without requiring Senate approval. This suggests that Dubya was attempting to circumvent Congress, which happens to now be under Democrat control, in order to push his agenda. Rove and Miers were both directly and/or indirectly involved making use of this loophole, most likely at the behest of Dubya. This latter comment is just my non-fact based, anti-strategry, coming-from-the-gut take on the whole matter.

O, the hypocrisy of it all. Some Republicans are saying that the subpoenas are politically motivated.

“The only purpose of the subpoenas is to the fan the flames and photo ops of partisan controversy,” said Representative Chris Cannon of Utah, the senior Republican on the subcommittee.

Um...what do you call terminating USAs with false pretense, then going behind Congress's back to fill the ranks with those loyal to the administration and its agenda? This may all be within the bounds of approved legislation, but there's also the spirit of the law to consider here.

Will Rove actually testify? Will he flounder and sing like a birdie about how he was just following orders? It's too early to say at this point. At this point, I'm just hoping that these officials show some integrity and take some accountability for their actions. Am I hoping for too much? Perhaps, but once you stop expecting elected officials to represent your interests in a truly legal manner is the day that we forsake our wonderful democratic country and the lifestyle it supports.

I will say that I feel better about using my tax dollars in pursuing this matter, as opposed to those used to investigate and potentially impeach another President, who happened to lie about getting a blowjob. Somehow, when I compare the two, I just don't think these are apples to apples.

Want to check out what sfgate.com visitors have to say about it? Go ahead and vote on their poll on their landing page. Check it out soon, as it'll most likely change by tomorrow.

300 given 2 thumbs down in Persian homeland

300 is a movie out right now that's gotten a lot of buzz for its "stylized action" and interpretation of the battle of Thermopylae between 300 Spartan soldiers and an invading Persian army that grossly outnumbered the small group of Spartans. While the movie itself is based on Frank Miller's graphic novel with the eponymous title, it does take certain liberties with the history.

Apparently, no one's been more upset by the artistic interpretation than Iran, per one of the country's cultural advisers. It would seem that the way the Persians are portrayed has so offended the Iranian people (who are descendants of the masters of the Persian Empire) that there's an online petition being circulated to prompt an apology from Warner Bros. The rest of the Arab world doesn't seem to have a problem with the film, and movie distributors don't see anything that would prohibit the film from being released within the region.

2 things:

1. Iran shouldn't worry about America using this film to denigrate Persians and indirectly Iranians because I'm betting that most Americans weren't aware that people in the U.S. from this region identify themselves as Persian foremost. The only way I became schooled in this juicy nugget of information was by attending university where the Persian kids I studied with broke it down for a brother.

2. Iran should probably focus its energy (nuclear or otherwise...ZING!) on the global tension surrounding their uranium enrichment program and not worry about a fictionalized production of a graphic novel, itself just one interpretation of an event that happened between 2 ancient civilizations over 2,000 years ago.

Iran has the U.S. bearing down on them, U.N. sanctions coming into play, and now the Russians have (reportedly) threatened to cut off their fuel unless they cease work on their nuclear program. This latter point most likely stems from the Russian claim that the Iranian government has been a little lax in footing the bill. Nuclear material isn't cheap you know!

Besides, we know the pirated DVD market will add many needed rials to the economy once some bootleg versions start to show up on the shelves, so perhaps 300 will end up helping the country after all! Yay capitalism!

It just came to me: Rover is Grima Wormtongue

It sure seems that if you're in good with the Rover, then your seat on the Dark Council of Mordor in the Land of Shadow is assured. Yes. This country is currently helmed by the baddest...the evilest...give it up for...The Triumvirate of Terror newly cast in the Broadway play: Evil is as Evil Does! Yay! Actually we're still working on the title. Maybe instead of Evil is as Evil Does, we could call it Justice-Gate.

Starring:
Rove as Grima Wormtongue
Cheney as Saruman
Dubya as the Mouth of Sauron

Produced by: Your tax dollars
Directed by: Sauron

[Grima? Mordor? Land of Shadow? Please consult your library and check out the epic novel written by J. R. R. Tolkien., or at the very least watch the three films directed by Peter Jackson]

The production initiates in media res during the U.S. Attorney General - White House debacle. Federal prosecutors are dismissed because of "performance-related issues", when really it's become clear that some were being swept out of the way for the hordes of Dark Lord to take their place. As a result, the Justice Department reluctantly responds by dropping Ent-bombs on the White House, by releasing more than 3,000 emails to the House Judiciary Committee. The emails detail the correspondence related to the dismissal of the prosecutors and of the political climate within the agency.

Contained within the emails are rumblings of USAs (United States Attorney) being removed from office as they don't push the Sauron agenda, and being replaced by others who do. In addition, it's been suggested that these new Uruk Hai would replace the dismissed USAs WITHOUT SENATE APPROVAL. Yes, we live in America, and No this is not how things should be done by those in charge of maintaining the public welfare...unless of course, you live in Mordor.

Here's a little bit of lembas to whet your appetite:

Mr. Gonzales believed that the prosecutor, H. E. Cummins III, the United States attorney for Arkansas, was dismissed for performance reasons, the e-mail suggested. But his deputy, Paul J. McNulty, testified that Mr. Cummins had been replaced to create a vacancy for J. Timothy Griffin, a political ally of the White House political adviser, Karl Rove...

...Patrick J. Fitzgerald, the United States attorney in Chicago who recently led the successful prosecution of I. Lewis Libby Jr., who was a top aide to Vice President Dick Cheney, was on a list of prosecutors whose performance was ranked as “not distinguished” on a list Mr. Sampson (D. Kyle Sampson, then Mr. Gonzales’s chief of staff) sent to the White House in March 2005, Justice Department officials say.
NY Times

Want more details? Check out all the emails on the House Judiciary site. They're still posting them as pdfs.

All Tolkien aside, this is a matter of the leadership of this country needs to address. This kind of behavior is accepted because the President and his administration tolerate and nurture it. It's time that the Democrats exercise some of the benefits of being the majority in both House and Senate, and start responding to their constituents. That is, of course, unless Sauron has promised our representatives each their very own Ring of Power...

Tracing the breadcrumbs from a chimp's mouth is a painful reminder that we've been duped

While America's sons and daughters in the U.S. Armed Services don't have the liberty to disagree with their Commander-in-Chief's decree (just take a look Lt. Erhen Watada), the civilians do. A civilian could say that the Iraqis weren't threatening his or her freedom to vote or speak freely or be a Hari Krishna for a day at SFO. A civilian could say that there is no link between Iraq and al-Qaeda. A civilian could go on to say the "Coalition of the Willing" was formed (then dissolved in 2005 - did you hear?) to legitimize a regime change of the country...that and something to do with oil and establishing a U.S. presence in an OPEC nation to secure a stable petroleum teat for our beloved Hummers.

From a civilian's point of view, I question how we got from 9/11 to the present. Based on Dubya's statements dating back to 2003, it sounds like he's saying...well...I can't really tell. It doesn't really sound coherent. If I had to take a guess, I'd say his speech writer's favorite word and book are "hyperbole" and Little Pilgrim's Progress, respectively. Here's what Dubya's had to say about the war...er...conflict...er...skirmish...er...ongoing battle?

...my fellow Americans: Major combat operations in Iraq have ended. In the battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed. - May, 2003
U.S. Fatalities: 139

The plan sets out ambitious timetables and clear benchmarks to measure progress and practical methods for achieving results. In the 83 days since I announced the end of major combat operations in Iraq, we have made progress, steady progress, in restoring hope in a nation beaten down by decades of tyranny. - July, 2003
U.S. Fatalities: 206

As America carries out its strategy for security and reconstruction, we need the resources to do the job in Iraq. Soon I will send Congress a request for additional money we need to keep our commitments. In this time of challenge of America, as we ask so much of our military, we in government have a solemn responsibility to give you every tool you need to achieve victory. - September, 2003
U.S. Fatalities: 320

I'm pleased to report back from the front lines that our troops are strong, morale is high and our military is confident we will prevail. - November, 2003
U.S. Fatalities: 446

The liberty we prize is not America's gift to the world; it is God's gift to humanity. - December, 2003
U.S. Fatalities: 486

We are representing 84 countries united against a common danger, and joined in a common purpose...We will face this mortal danger, and we will overcome it together. - March, 2004
U.S. Fatalities: 705

You will find that fighting injustice and evil requires a vision of goodness and truth. - May, 2004
U.S. Fatalities: 920

We have focused resources on veterans who need it most, those with service-related disabilities and low incomes and special needs. We've established a new scheduling system to make certain that veterans seeking care for a service connected condition are the first in line. - August, 2004
U.S. Fatalities: 1,062

Our men and women in the military have superb training and the best equipment and able commanders. - November, 2004
U.S. Fatalities: 1,342

You have served with honor and distinction -- and a little longer than some of you expected. (Laughter.) - February, 2005
U.S. Fatalities: 1,579

I think the Iraq government will be up to the task of defeating the insurgents. - May, 2005
U.S. Fatalities: 1,746

Our strategy is clear in Iraq. - September, 2005
U.S. Fatalities: 2,012

To achieve victory over such enemies, we are pursuing a comprehensive strategy in Iraq. Americans should have a clear understanding of this strategy. - November, 2005
U.S. Fatalities: 2,192

...that is to be able to say to our country, at any time anybody gets hurt anywhere, they're going to get the best medical care possible. And that's done right here at Bethesda, as well as Walter Reed. - December, 2005 U.S. Fatalities: 2,260

A lot of times people ask me about my attitude about things, and here's my attitude -- the only way we can lose in Iraq is if we lose our nerve. - April, 2006
U.S. Fatalities: 2,484

We're with you. We know the work is hard, but the work is necessary. And we're winning; and we're winning. - June, 2006
U.S. Fatalities: 2,614

Absolutely, we're winning. - October, 2006
U.S. Fatalities: 2,800

Tonight in Iraq, the Armed Forces of the United States are engaged in a struggle that will determine the direction of the global war on terror -- and our safety here at home. The new strategy I outline tonight will change America's course in Iraq, and help us succeed in the fight against terror. - January, 2007
U.S. Fatalities: 3,064

We're pursuing a new strategy in Iraq: a plan that demands more from Iraq's government; a plan that brings security to Baghdad, as our top priority; and a plan that gives our troops the reinforcements they need to carry out their mission. - March, 2007

Today George Bush said:
Yet those on the ground are seeing some hopeful signs.

And on the ground:
An explosion at a Shiite mosque in Baghdad killed at least eight worshippers Monday, the fourth anniversary of the start of the war, while a series of car bombs struck the oil-rich city of Kirkuk in northern Iraq, killing 12, police said.
U.S. Fatalities: 3,217

Happy Birthday Iraq War! You're a big 4 years old!

Who would Orwell vote for?

It would seem that a technically proficient person(s) took some initiative and produced an "old versus new" video, which pits the "old" (Hilary Clinton) against the "new" (Barack Obama). It's quite clever, really: it uses the 1984 Apple Super Bowl ad which announced the arrival of Apple's Macintosh: PC vs. Mac...old versus new.

Obama's circle has denied any involvement in the creation or ownership of the video.

Check out the original commercial for a side to side content comparison, if you've never seen the original Apple ad

Given the proliferation of easy to use online tools, we're going to see that individuals like you and I are going to have a stronger presence in affecting the outcome of political races. We're also going to be more responsible in revisioning partisan politics. If we don't want to perpetuate the negative campaigning we've seen in earlier efforts, we'll need to make a conscious effort to keep things balanced between logic and passion.

That isn't to say that homegrown ads for candidates won't be appealing or unsavory. It goes without saying that many of them will be scathing and vicious given that their production won't be sanctioned by the candidates campaign...or so they'll say.

I can just see Rove rubbing his floppy chops with rotund fingers as he ponders his next clandestine move..."hmm...", he wonders, "...could I divert some ear-marked 'special project' funds to get a couple loyal and skilled techies to create a nasty little video romp about John Edwards attending an al-Qaeda hosted timeshare event where everyone sports a butt plug?"

Instead of shooting at where I was you should've shot at where I was going

We've all wondered, and Futurama provided quite possibly the best scenario of what life would be like as a video game...

I'm responsible for AIDS and the Internet

I created, and disseminated the AIDS virus by injecting myself with an al-Qaeda engineered virus then vomited bodily fluids into the flesh wound of a green monkey, thus infecting it. I then took this monkey to the market place and let him bite children and their mothers.

A few years later I invented the Internet. Al Gore is full of horse manure and DARPA got all its good ideas from me.

Not to be outdone by my supremely planned maneuver of gassing Kurds, I seeded the skies with highly magnetized nanofibers and stimulated them with a device I invented in order to cause Hurricane Katrina.

I'm the real owner of Halliburton, and Dick takes his orders from me.

Karl Rove and I ate at the same MacDonald's as children. He was such a bully...always taking my barbecue sauce into which I loved to dip my McNuggets. May Allah cause his condiments to sour forever more. I also gave him his nickname that the Bush president claims to have originated. Slandering false-truth spouting infidel.
I cloned Thomas Edison using a fingernail snagged on the first light bulb, then forced the infidel to work for me in an underground lab in Afghanistan. His computer network is now a highly prized multi-racked farm of PS3s, which he uses to run my various terrorist-themed simulations.

I invented wide-necked t-shirts, which Armani now sells for over $250 a piece. How do you think I'll pay for the mercenaries to spring me from Gitmo? Royalties, baby. I invented them, too, then told the dirty Americans how to use them. Now I have them right where I want them. I will again cause a U.S. recession of unimagined magnitude. How? I positioned Ben S. Bernanke to replace Greenspan....muah-hah-hah-hah!I created Scientology by giving L. Ron Hubbard an overdose of LSD, from which he never fully recovered. His hallucinations came to fruition in his construction of the existence of Thetans. This being said, you must know that Tom Cruise is a walking timebomb, trained to kill should I decide to utter the keyword from my powerfully hairy voicebox. All that kung-fu mumbo-jumbo he learned in all those Mission Impossible films was merely a facade to cloak my sinister plot of using him to kill the Queen, as depicted in "The Naked Gun", which I also adapted for the silver screen.

Kenneth Eng is my crowning cybernetic achievement in the sublime art of nonsensical, pedantic and sophomoric interpretations of solipsism, superseded solely by me as he was merely endowed with a fraction of my engrams.

Lastly, I am the real father of Britney Spears' children. She could not resist my powerful hairy charms. K-Fed was a robot I constructed to make everything look appear normal. Now she is crazy because I am not available to shave her nether-regions The paparazzi, which I invented, ate up the lies I wove into my rich tapestry of invention and innovation.

Sony PS3 now receiving NSF funding

OK, not really, but the Sony PS3 will run the distributed computing software, Folding@home, a program developed at Stanford about seven years ago.

This is a small application that runs on your machine and makes use of your processing power when you're not actively using the machine. I ran it on my work machine about three years ago, and allowed it to take up 100% of my computing power when I wasn't using it.

Why would you install and run this software on your PS3 (which by the way runs a 3.2 GHz Cell processor, which dynamically assigns physical processor cores [8 total in the PS3] to independently do different types of work)? Why to simulate protein assemblies, of course.

Simply, proteins are the body's nanomachines. They are used by the body to construct tissues that maintain processes and initiate protocols. When assemblies don't go right, people can develop diseases such as Parkinson's, Huntington's, Lou Gehrig's (ALS), Alzheimer's, etc. This software runs through permutations of assemblies, which allows researchers to have an abundance of data to directly apply to experimental therapies that could alleviate and potentially cure these diseases.

That's right, you can play your games AND save the world at the same time.

I'm suggesting that Dubya, Cheney, and Rove install this software on their cybernetic government-authored and highly evil proprietary systems in order to regain some semblance of humanity. At least then they'd be able to claim that they actually tried to help someone, and could potentially get themselves moved from the 9th level of Hell (reserved for those knowingly committing betrayal) to the 8th (reserved for those "merely" remaining fraudulent) . This is assuming, of course, that Dubya and Rove are Catholics, which they aren't, so they're screwed either way, and Cheney is a soulless killbot who will eventually reach his preprogrammed kill limit and will self-terminate in 2009 when the new President is inaugurated.

Get tickets for Obama rally in Oakland and march in Walnut Creek

Want to go to the Barack Obama rally in Oakland this Saturday?
RSVP to get your ticket: http://my.barackobama.com/page/s/oakland0317

In addition, tickets are also available at several Bay Area locations (see below). The current locations are below and additional ticket distribution locations will be available by calling The Obama Rally Hotline at 510-444-4710 ext: 306.

In addition, there's an earlier rally in Walnut Creek. That's right, Walnut Creek. Check out the rally's website for details. The theme is "Starve war, feed peace". Who said bridge and tunnel people care more about SUVs than truth, justice, and the American way?

It starts at 11:00 AM at the Walnut Creek Bart station and will end up in downtown Walnut Creek at Civic Plaza for a rally and a number of speakers will be there, notably Louise Clark, who owns the land on which the Lafayette crosses are positioned, and my friend Mike Robbins, who's been working locally and nationally to support the creation of a Department of Peace. He's on the Board of Directors for The Peace Alliance, and is also the organization's Secretary.

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City Lights Bookstore
261 Columbus Ave. (at Broadway and Columbus)
San Francisco
10:00 am-12:00 am, Mon-Sat
(415)362-8193

Modern Times Bookstore
888 Valencia St.
San Francisco
10:00 am-9pm, Mon-Sat
(415) 282-9246

Pen Dragon Books
5560 College Ave
Oakland
9am-10pm Mon-Thurs
9am-10:45 Fri, Sat
(510)652-6259

Pegasus Books Downtown
2349 Shattuck
Berkley
9am-10pm, Mon-Thurs
9am-10:45pm, Fri, Sat
(510)649-1320

Pegasus Books
1855 Solano Ave
North Berkley
9am-10pm, Mon-Thurs
9am-10:45 pm, Fri, Sat
(510)525-6888

The Book Shop
1007 B St.
Hayward, CA 94541
(510) 538-3943
10-6 Mon-Fri, 9-5 Sat

Willow Glen Books
1330 Lincoln Ave.
San Jose, CA
(408) 298-8141
10-9 Mon/Thurs/Fri
10-6 Tues/Wed/Sat

PowerPac
201 Spear St. @ Howard
Suite 1650
San Francisco
(415) 947-0730
10-5 Mon-Fri

Bush considers changing U.S. political structure to monarchy

Even while considering the recent Al Gonzales/federal prosecutor debacle, which is firmly couched in the rich yet bullshitty terror-laced tapestry of our pre-embolimic Vice President, I still think everything is going to turn out just fine.

Why? To explain, I feel it's needed to contextualize the issue. To briefly summarize Al G-Funk's issue, there was an uproar about the recent dismissal of several federal prosecutors. As a result of the current situation, it's been revealed that there was an earlier suggestion made that every single one of these prosecutors be removed. Why? These prosecutors serve at the discretion of the President, but don't always tow the present White House agenda, and we know that this administration froths at the mouth when people object to the current hawk-centric party line.

The conflict is centralized around the fact that should all the prosecutors be dismissed, Bush has the right to appoint new ones...indefinitely...without requiring a confirmation hearing from the Senate.

Ahem...excuse me? Isn't this the year 2007 A.D.? Do we live in an monarchy? Are we to remove capable and intelligent people from positions solely for their political views? What's next, is Bush going to revise the Holy Bible so it legitimizes the current crusade we're executing in the Middle East? I l'm aware of the saying 'to the victor, go the spoils of war', but this is downright reminiscent of fascism. East Germany-Berlin Wall anyone? According to the the NY Times, the good news is :

Democrats are pressing the case for revoking the president’s authority, which he gained with the reauthorization of the USA Patriot Act last year, to appoint interim federal prosecutors indefinitely, without Senate confirmation. The administration has argued that such appointments are necessary to speed the prosecution of terrorism cases. After the dismissals became a big political issue last week, Mr. Gonzales signaled that the administration would not oppose the changes sought by Democrats.

When considering this debacle, and framing it in Cheney's recent comments which insinuated that folks who don't support the war don't support the troops, while Bush threatens the House and the Senate not to "tie his hands in Iraq", we see that Americans are getting tired of this bullshit rhetoric.

Voters want to support the troops by bringing them home from a war that sees 2.2 American soldiers dying each day in a seemingly senseless conflict with no terminus in site. Soon the madness will all be over. 2008 is bringing change. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. We see it reflected in Congress. We see it reflected in polls that continue to announce that approval rating levels reach new low for Bush on a seemingly daily basis.

I just hope that Dubya doesn't pull a Dead Zone on us before he has to leave office and announce that the missiles are flying, hallelujah! I bet there's a clause somewhere in the defense contract with Halliburton and Blackwater USA that allow them to assume martial law of the country if constitutional entities (the White House, Congress, State Dept.) experience the equivalent of a collision with an IED.

Get involved in Bay Area Barack Obama Presidential campaigns

My friend Will Butkus is helping the Barack Obama Presidential Campaign organize two volunteer meetings this Sunday March 11th in Oakland and San Francisco. For more info check out http://www.barackobama.com/.

These Organizational Meetings are a "come one, come all" opportunity for people to get involved in the Obama Campaign. Will has asked that everyone spread the word.

#1. Oakland Obama Organizational Meeting
12:30 PM, Sunday, March 11
Oakland Marriott Hotel Calvin Simmons Room 1001 Broadway Oakland, CA
Cross street: 10th and 11th Street
Note: 12th Street BART Station is closest

#2. San Francisco Obama Organizational Meeting
4 PM, Sunday, March 11
Delancey Street Foundation Town Hall 600 Embarcadero Street San Francisco, CA
Cross street: Brannon
Note: Embarcadero BART Station is closest

There's also an Obama Oakland Rally on March 17th. This rally will take place in the afternoon at a site TBD in Oakland. Please call Will or send him an email if you have any questions.

Will Butkus
Mobile (202) 468-1000
willbutkus@yahoo.com

Newt G: stupid, lying, hypocritical, conservative favorite

Poetic justice. When it strikes, it's sweet yet savory.

Remember the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal? You know, where we spent millions of our tax dollars investigating President Clinton because he lied about getting a blowjob from an intern (by the way - not a big deal)? The one where Newt Gingrich himself threw down the gauntlet of "American family values" by making the Contract with America? Well, recently G-funk admitted that he was having an extra-marital affair while fanning the flames of investigation on Clinton's behavior.

Oh, that's sooo rich. The irony and hypocrisy are thick like the sludge in Cheney's circulatory system. Eff you, Newt. Don't try even try to spin this one. You're full of poo and smell like it too. In retrospect I didn't say enough critical things about you.

Interestingly enough, ol' Newt dawg is also still very popular with Republican conservatives. Um. Is something not clicking with these people? Would you still vote for this guy in 2008, as he might be a potential candidate? This is the same guy who indirectly blamed Americans in Louisiana for their own plight during Hurricane Katrina:

How can you have the mess we have in New Orleans, and not have had deep investigations of the federal government, the state government, the city government, and the failure of citizenship in the Ninth Ward, where 22,000 people were so uneducated and so unprepared, they literally couldn’t get out of the way of a hurricane.

Don't want to read the whole article? Well, here's the video. Good job, Newt. Smile for the camera, you bigoted, ignorant, racist stink-monkey. I love to watch you crashing and burning.

Kenneth Eng: Insane Hater who needs a hug

AsianWeek fired him.

The editor regretted publishing his diatribe.

And recently Eng went on FoxNews to defend his position.

With all the talk of dragons and slaying, I'm thinking that, secretly, Eng is plotting a move to migrate into the rich and maniacal foundations of which we call Scientology. Ok...that's not exactly fair to Scientologists (wink-wink Ann Coulter), but after hearing the ramblings of this person, what can one think but: what a waste of money spent on an education at NYU. His money would've been better spent buying white sheets. I'm assuming that the alumni association won't be rushing out to ask him to support the university because it might be construed that they foster hate crimes. Just because he uses big words like 'solipsism' doesn't make him an expert on race relations.

The best thing that could happen to him would be to fall in love with a sistah, white chick, Latina, or an Asian hottie so he could find out that love lets life find a way.

Bill Gates: an American patriot supporting sexy innovation

What makes America great?

Free speech? Freedom of worship? Democracy? Yes. Yes. Yes, but nothing's sexier than innovation.

America has been one of the most innovative countries. We've only been around since 1776, but we developed the light bulb, the automobile, the computer, peanut butter, Wite-Out®, UNIVAC, the personal computer...the list goes on.

As of late, however, we seem to be lagging behind. India and China are poised to be the next great information/economic superpowers because of their triumphs in manufacturing and technology. Here in America we seem to be more interested in Anna Nicole's secret patronization of the Church of Scientology. Why? We're complacent. We're fat and lazy. We're the bump on the log that buys the 60-inch plasma/LCD/DLP and posts up in the house and watches HDTV while the rest of the world becomes better equipped to function in the global economy.

Recently, Bill Gates (yes THAT Bill Gates) went before the U.S. Senate and basically said that America needs to remain competitive, and that enhancing our flailing education system and revamping the H-1B guest-worker visa system is the only way to do it.

Essentially, America is lacking technical skills, so in the short-term the proposed solution is to make it easier to bring immigrant workers on board, while the long-term solution involves getting more students to graduate from colleges with a degree related to a field in science or math. The current national average of students that go into a college with such a major is %17.

There's a whole slew of reasons why this is the case, but I'm going to single out one: the majority of students coming into colleges have a poor mathematics or science background because these courses require rigorous study and application. Young Americans today are surrounded by immediacy (MySpace, YouTube, video games, streaming video, podcasts, blogs [wink-wink] etc.), and it would seem that spending a couple hours each night to learn about differential equations, or to attend classes on why an OLTP RDBMS isn't an optimal back-end to support BI transactions aren't sexy enough activities. While each of us need to take some responsibility, and take a more active role in our lives and understand that our actions affect those around us, there needs to be a stronger partnership with government and business.

Here's what Gates had to say on the issue:

To remain competitive in the global economy, we must build on the success of such schools and commit to an ambitious national agenda for education. Government and businesses can both play a role. Companies must advocate for strong education policies and work with schools to foster interest in science and mathematics and to provide an education that is relevant to the needs of business. Government must work with educators to reform schools and improve educational excellence.

Let's make learning, teaching and business sexy. If for no other reason at all, math and science grads tend to make more money, and Americans find money sexy. I didn't say it folks, that was Harry Warren and Al Dubin, and who are you to argue with them? Who were they? American innovators, of course.

The felony bullet just missed Rove's hearty jowls

While "Scooter" Libby, former Head of Staff for Vice President "Blood-thinner" Cheney, was found guilty today of obstruction of justice, perjury, and making false statements, the person who actually let slip the leak about Ms. Valerie Plame goes free. Even though we know that ol Turdblossom himself helped confirm some information to a NY Times reporter about Ms. Plame, it seems that some folks think they're above the law, and can use a scapegoat to shift attention and blame.

Blame for what you ask? Well...it's a long story, and here's my attempt at quickly summarizing: Ms. Plame (an undercover CIA agent) was co-incidentally outed by an unknown source after her husband, Joseph C. Wilson IV a former U.S. ambassador and harsh critic of President Bush’s Iraq policy, made comments that didn't support the Bush administration's claim that Saddam Hussein acquired uranium from some African nations. In an Op-Ed article in The New York Times on July 6, 2003, he wrote that those claims were “highly doubtful.”

Does anyone find it shocking and/or infuriating that a CI-frickin'-A UNDERCOVER agent was outed in order to dissuade comments made by a private citizen? Do we live in the Soviet Union? Aren't those agents supposed to be in place in order to provide for the general defense of this country?

It's not quite clear where the leak came from, but it's been suggested that Cheney and Rove had initiated it in order to punish/intimidate Ms. Plame and Mr. Wilson. Needless to say, someone got caught and had to face the music...enter fall guy Libby.

It's happened before: remember Lt. Col. Oliver North and Pres. Reagan? Iran-Contra arms scandal? Yeah. Well, ol' Ollie got to get the shaft on that one. People thought he was a hero because he was a good soldier and followed orders and didn't shame his Commander-in-Chief. Maybe he was. In either case, they both broke the law on someone else's initiative.

In any case, we, Americans, let this administration know that they could behave like this. We enabled this, dare I say, "regime" in the respect that in post-911 life, some personal liberties and freedoms could be forsaken for the greater good. The Bush administration took that flexibility we gave them, and used it to fortify the the neo-con, dare I say, fascist, bloc we have in Washington.

Regardless, we've just wasted millions of tax dollars on a court case to try a high-ranking former White House official who's protecting the real culprits who just happen to be some of the most influential and powerful leaders of the United States of America. Good use of tax dollars , you frickin' douchebags: read Cheney, Rove, and Dubya. Each of you should try to be a man of integrity for once, and admit some wrong-doing and culpability. If that means political seppeku, then so be it. You're all part of a lame-duck administration anyway. Don't make me pay for anymore of your legal costs.

And speaking of costs...do you know how much it costs to get the security clearance that Ms. Plame probably had? From my sources, I'm estimating somewhere between $300k-$700k, just for the funds on the books. That's all washed now unless she goes to work in the private sector. Hey! I hear Halliburton is hiring!

If Ann Coulter was bovine, she'd be a Judas Cow

If Ann Coulter and Bill O'Reilly had a baby it'd be Satan. I shouldn't say that, though. It wouldn't be fair to Satan.

The mindless, sleazy, and negative rhetoric that this woman delivers is shocking: not so much in that she actually says it, but that she's got a huge following and people who think she's [gasp] speaking the truth. In reality, she's a simple person, one who enjoys her celebrity status despite the fact that it's grounded in bigotry, ignorance, and hate.

Her recent bout of her trademark "anti-liberal" noise emanated from the Conservative Political Action Conference held recently in Washington. At the conference she eloquently and so brilliantly referred to Democratic Presidential nominee John Edwards as a "faggot".

Hat's off to you, Ann. You and Bill probably thought this genius scheme up while you were reaming him in his ass with a giant black ribbed strap-on dildo. You two kids show remarkable tact, and I salute your passionate diatribe, however brainless and inane it may be. You're helping to define what conservatives do NOT want to be associated with when people with different political views start actually engaging in dialogs directed to making the United States a better place.

Soon, people like you will be gone, and your genes and hateful tendencies will be forever lost in the unfortunate but thoroughly documented annals of history: included in the chapter where Michael Richards, Strom Thurmond, Tim Hardaway, David Duke, Newt Gingrich, your boytoy Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Sen. McCarthy, Kenneth Eng, and the like are listed.

Thank you, Ann, for polarizing voters further to the "left". You're making the world a better place by herding people away from you and your revolting mindset.

Have you been quoted a Best Buy intranet price?

Scandal.

It looks like Best Buy is maintaining 2 consumer websites: one on the internet and one that's self-contained within the Best Buy network, known as an intranet. George Gombossy, self-proclaimed "Consumer Watchdog", from the Connecticut newspaper, Hartford Courant, picked up on the story on his column.

State Attorney General Richard Blumenthal ordered the investigation into Best Buy's practices on Feb. 9 after my column disclosed the website and showed how
employees at two Connecticut stores used it to deny customers a $150 discount on a computer advertised on BestBuy.com.

Blumenthal said Wednesday that Best Buy has also confirmed to his office the existence of the intranet site, but has so far failed to give clear answers about its purpose and use.

I, for one, had an experience with this, and was completely perplexed why the salesperson was quoting me a different price from his "internet". Well, it's all the better to defraud you, my dear!

Why is Timberlake wearing my summer BDUs from HSROTC?

Christina Ricci, Samuel L. Jackson is ABOUT TO YELL AT YOU!

Remember when...insert MC Hammer Addams Family music here.

Hats off to Craig Brewer. My man came through with Hustle and Flow. Haven't seen the film yet, but Black Snake Moan looks like a sweet painful grind against all that is unholy.Little bits of content...sweet niblets of beef jerky at the bottom of the bag aching for your searching fingers...

OK! Top 10 Songs while while writing this post:

1. Fight Test - The Flaming Lips

2. Close Edge - Mos Def (you have to speak louder!)

3. Joe's Head - Kings of Leon

4. Norwegian Wood - The Beatles

5. Over the Hills and Far Away - Led Zeppelin

6. God Lives Through - A Tribe Called Quest

7. Hyperballad - Björk

8. Isis - Bob Dylan

9. Me And Jesus The Pimp In A '79 Granada Last Night - The Coup

10. Earth People - Dr. Octagon

If Anna Nicole nuked you, the mushroom cloud would look like a pretty tiara

Aside from the juicy news that a pitiful looking Bobby Brown was apparently bailed out of jail by a radio station (please stop doing crack, Bobby, that thing with your mouth is weird), or the opulent and utterly wasteful Anna-Nicole funeral where family and suitors vie over her corpse for money) did anyone notice that the U.S. just approved a new atomic warhead design to be implemented by Lawrence Livermore and Sandia National Labs?

We don't yet know how much it'll cost, but to give you a sense let's just say that we currently spend over $5 billion a year to maintain the aging mushroom cloud layers we have sitting in torpedo bays and launch silos. I'm going to go out on a limb here...doesn't it seem even a little bit hypocritical that we're telling Iran that it can't play with these wonderful magical toys because they're not mature enough to handle them? Granted, the government there is not pro-U.S., detests Israel, and is quite possibly helping to fund terrorists, but does this strike anyone like a little bit of the pot calling the kettle black?

It's interesting that Dubya recently called Iran and North Korea the new "axis of evil" while John Bolton (former U.S. envoy to the United Nations) said that Iran is "ready for regime change" [note the tone implied in those words: it's like they're a tree that produces sweet juicy fruit, and we need to act fast to harvest] because it's close to being able to enrich its uranium. Speaking of which, are you curious what this means? Here's what enrichment entails.

I'm thankful that Dubya's days are numbered and his administration's days of threat-baiting are almost at a close, but still I wonder if he's going to try and get us committed in another armed maneuver in Iran in order to prevent them from building a functional nuclear device. Hopefully we try diplomacy and sanctions before resorting to the construction of another "coalition of the willing".

So...let's see...North Korea has the bomb (but we're trying to buy them off)...Iran is working on the bomb (don't lie, you know you are)...Israel doesn't (wink-wink) have the bomb, while China, France, Russia, India, Pakistan, and the U.K. all do.Maybe we should just give everyone nuclear weapons...you know, kinda like when we were in elementary school and the teacher told us we couldn't chew gum in class unless we brought enough to share for everyone? Well this way we could share the fun!

Maybe I'll just apply for the position as Warren Buffet's successor, make tons of money, then blast off to build me a nice moon mansion, and wait for the fireworks. At least then no one will be able to steal my precious bodily fluids.