Why John Stewart makes it nice

I've seen this on a few different sites, but being that I'm limited to basic cable I enjoy John Stewart episodes streamed over the internets.

Here's one that nails Karl Rove, Bill O'Reilly, Dick Morris, and some other d-bags.

I'd love to see one with Sarah Palin and her views on religion and the separation of Church and State, and how effective abstinence is as the sole option in sex education for adolescents.

Thank you Sarah Palin....mmmm....tasty

I was all fired up to do a little something on Sarah Palin, and found that the dailykos had already delivered a lovely piece on why:

1. she's ineffective
2. Alaska is effed, and the GOP is scrambling
3. the rhetoric used to highlight Obama's 'lack of experience' blows up in the GOPs face with her nomination
4. the neo-con star chamber, led by His Exalted Evilness Karl Rove still runs things

I'm feeling better every day about the upcoming Presidential election. Haters move out of the way. We're going to have a President who speaks in complete sentences and doesn't make up words without knowing that he's made up a [albeit cool-sounding] word. If only we could install stupidfilter for Dubya, then at least we wouldn't need to contend with his failed policies AND his mind-numbingly lame diction.

Nobody wants a free turdblossom

He was called the architect.He outed Plame. He was responsible for launching the Swiftboat Veterans for Truth campaign against John Kerry. He manipulated the Christian Coalition to get Dubya into office. He had a crappy childhood and put all of his energy into aggressive and clandestine campaign operations that successfully launched or supported numerous GOP candidates. He also had killer neck waddle. He eventually stepped down from his role as the Grima Wormtongue...er...Chief Strategeryist.

Who is he?
Turdblossom...aka Karl 'Not Enough Hugs as a Kid' Rove. Check out the article on Vanity Fair. It's good. It's written by the guy who lived on the same street as him.

The man was instrumental in bringing the current world encompassing doom of Dubya. He did it dirty and sneaky and well, and he walked away without leaving a thumbprint on anything. One can only hope that his atomic powered battery wears down and Mitt Romney destroys the prototype blueprints. He can always get Huckabee to replace him...well not 'replace'...let's say, fill in.
But. The ol' Turdster couldn't get even get an audience during the commencement ceremony at a prestigious boarding school, Choate Rosemary Hall. The students didn't want him there. Ha.

Here's part of the editorial from the school:

Mr. Rove would be a very interesting speaker, and having him give a Special Program address could make sense. However, he is unfit to deliver our graduation address. The point of the graduation ceremonies is to celebrate the seniors and the unforgettable time they have spent at Choate and to bring the community together around the climactic moment on the school calendar. Instead, we will be deeply divided. A graduation speaker should inspire us. More importantly, he should represent the values of the school and serve as a role model for the graduates as they enter the adult world. Rove does neither of those two things.(emphasis mine)

Zing!

Turdblossom: he might be able to fool his carefully segmented direct mail list consisting of (but not limited to) unemployed adults, religious zealots, ill-informed voters, and debt-laden graduates who somehow think that his army of neo-cons care about them, but he can't fool some critical high school students. I wonder if he's angry and bitter.

Pod People have reached maturity and are coming your way

New terms thanks to our elected officials:
Poulting: The act of political moulting...or perhaps

Coulting: The mindless hate spew emanating from the skanky neo-con death's head, Ann Coulter? Or maybe it could mean Sen. Craig having to step down as a result of Bathroom-gate.

Craiging: Meeting in the bathroom for hot man-Brad action initiated by doing a Fred Astaire footloose with your intended target

Autumn years:
Whether it's because folks know that it's time to throw in the towel on a soon-to-be lame duck President, his cadre is leaving for greener pastures. No doubt Karl Rove, Tony Snow, Harriet Miers, Alberto Gonzalez, and possibly Craigster will soon be raking in buckets of ducats in book deals and speaker fees, assuming they aren't skewered with a subpoena. Does executive privilege extend to lowly common citizens who foot the taxbill?

Regardless, don't expect Cheney to step down. DARPA has constructed a special exoskeleton into which they will pour liquefied Cheney once doctors deem him unable to continue his job in his current soft, flabby form (being a Dark Lord takes a toll on the body). The model comes installed with a special facial engine which exhibits scowls and hateful expressions taken from the Dark Lord himself. It has a special leg holster for a double-barrel shotgun, a la RoboCop, which allows him to draw down on unsuspecting gay babies. The buckshot is comprised of the teeth of Iraqi civilians killed since Operation Iraqi Freedom commenced. When he pulls the weapon from its concealed location a metallic voice calls out "fuck off" or "go fuck yourself" a la his comments made on the Senate floor in reference to Sen. Leahy.

What a nice way to wake up

To find that Turdblossom is leaving his role as senior chief architect of evil domination is such a nice way to wake up. That's right, Karl Rove is stepping down from the side of Dubya as his political strategist at the end of this month.

Insiders report that Satan requested from Dubya that he relinquish Rove for some work he needs done on the behalf of the Sudanese government in their efforts to exterminate the country's population of non-Arab Africans. Mephistopheles said that while he was proud of the work Rove did in the White House, but he needed his talents focused elsewhere on more "core" evil deeds.

Rove and Bush will undergo a medical procedure to remove the cranial surgical grafts between the two. Experts are certain Rove will be able go about his normal daily life stabbing angels in their eyes, raping truth and justice, and other delectables of unsavory and general nefarious behavior.

Cheney will be playing D-H in Rove's absence for Dubya in order to maintain a level of malodorous edicts that the public has come to associate with with most contemporary issuances from the Executive branch.

At last - everything is done for me!

This is great news! I'm so looking forward to the next round of freedom laws that further chip away at civil liberties! It's great to be in a free society, because it's so easy to give away your freedom!

I'm glad my phone conversations and emails can be monitored by the NSA, if I happen to contact someone outside of the U.S. I can completely see the rationale in needing to see if my email to London is going to a terrorist. I'm not worried that this violation of privacy will ever impact me personally because how could a government with a completely endless and rich source of information on every single person's digital behavior that rivals those of Google's, Visa's, and Amazon's be a threat to me? It's not like they can build a profile of every single person in the U.S. then cross-reference that instance with a previously created index of terrorists (culled from Cheney's secret torture chamber diary), then pre-emptively detain you for questioning. That's preposterous.

Who needs checks and balances? Why should we care if Cheney claims he's neither part of the Executive or Legislative branch so he can't be held accountable in either? I think it's totally acceptable that Dubya extends executive privilege to Karl "Turdblossom" Rove. Why are so many people upset about the fact that Rove isn't an elected executive official, yet entitled to be above the law? Makes total sense to me because he's smart enough to fool the entire nation to put Dubya in office for a second term, then he's good enough to not have to explain his role in outing an undercover CIA operative because her husband foolishly made critical remarks about ol' monkeyface.

We don't need governmental transparency...I prefer opaque and nebulous and muddy to clear and pure. It's a good thing we hazy logistics personnel in place in the Pentagon, otherwise we wouldn't have been able to lose 192,000 U.S.-taxpayer supplied weapons in Iraq? I'd rather lose money on guns than on Jim Bakker's PTL corrupt faith-based ministry, which was taken over by the even more diabolical Jerry Falwell.

People need to stop worrying so much about the war and governmental accountability and personal liberty and national priorities and just get back to focusing on what's real important...like having your 17th baby (praise the Lord!) or whether or not Branjolina will break up...or if Lindsey Lohan's SCRAM until was foiled by ice cubes.

To the dictator go the spoils...

I'm going out on a limb here, but I see some strange similarities between the Bush administration and an evil dictatorship...or at least the now defunct Soviet Union.

I keep thinking of the Mikhail Baryshnikov/Gregory Hines (RIP) vehicle, "White Nights", for some reason...did you ever see that one? It's a classic. Male dancers, one American (an expatriate living in the C.C.C.P.) and a Russian (looking to flee Communist rule) who get tangled in a web of U.S vs. U.S.S.R. intrigue: all of this set upon Phil Collins and Lionel Richie theme songs. The movie basically depicted how the Cold War impacted these two people, with a common passion, but with divergent political views. The movie illustrated how wonderful the U.S. was, and how evil and oppressive the Soviet Union was. You felt good at the end when one of the dancers, who was held captive by the Soviets after the other successfully escaped, was eventually traded back to the U.S. in exchange for some KGB-type. You felt good about it: the U.S. seemed like a moral, thoughtful, courageous, and responsible nation.

Fast forward to the the 21st century and smell the stink rising from the swamp in D.C. The Rove-Cheney Death Star duo out undercover CIA agent Valerie Plame because her husband, a U.S. Ambassador, makes critical [and valid] remarks of the Bush administration, and eventually the heat falls on Scooter Libby, who takes the fall, who gets sentenced, then gets his sentenced commuted by Dubya because he feels that the punishment was excessive...

(note that during this process Dubya is a complete tofu-brained, spineless puppet with two pairs of hands up his ass moving his mouth and helping sound out those big two-syllable words)

Excessive? Didn't anyone see "Mission Impossible" with my most favorite actor Tom Cruise, whom I totally heart in all his Scientologist goodness? Remember the severity of having the potential sale of a list of all undercover agents fall to the highest bidder? Wasn't that threatening to think that all these faceless people doing black-ops, off-the-books, counter-intel, mole-type activities on the behalf of the United States government were about to have their covert and given names made available to folks like Al-Queda? Hyperbole aside, well...there's really not much to hyperbolize when you see this administration's track record. Didn't Bush once pride himself in being a believer in rough justice? I guess it only counts if you're poor or otherwise marginalized.

Apparently if you're part of the internal U.S. power structure, you're exempt from such phony-baloney nonsense, and can out a CIA operative who's married to someone who says something portraying the government in a less than popular light and who's invested more in this country's security than some spoiled, brainless, tool. Honestly, I could care less about Libby...I'd like to see Turd-Blossom, ol' no-soul Cheney, and tool shed extraordinaire Dubya: the Unholy Trinity: see some justice for this act.

I'm rendered utterly flabbergasted and discombobulated. The sheer hypocrisy and evil empire undertones permeate every statement I could contemplate. Is this "justice" or "just us": meaning, if you're not of the inner circle, then you're common cannon fodder?

I'm astounded when I think of the energy and time it will take us as a nation to mend the wounds this single administration has inflicted upon the world, and as an American, upon my country. They're making the American soldier and civilian look like a bunch of worthless blood-soaked tools eternally stained with their lies and insanity.

If you're a devout conservative and could give a isht about my "liberal" ramblings, just think about how many taxpayers dollars went into the toilet so that this scapegoat could be exonerated, when the real evil-doers go free. For all we know, maybe the cost of this nonsense could've translated into a few thousand more Kevlar vests or adequate armor, or ammunition, or food and medical supplies...but I guess it's more important to have lying, killing, and general evil dictatorship-type behavior cemented into the American fabric because it's this administration's final legacy laid upon the altar of time. Amen.

And none of the irony of this farce falling so close to our Independence Day is lost on me. Not even Roland Emmerich could make this administration look good. I'd be completely happy with Bill Pullman for President, though.

The Police illustrate history repeating itself

So, I haven't been able to post in a while because of this stupid thing called work. Gosh, how I hate work. It gets in the way of the real moments of your life. Stupid money...making me work for you so I can live in house and pay taxes to support a government that at this point is pretty good, although I have serious qualms about its current leadership.

On my way to work, I was thinking of a Police song while listening to the news about the Senate approving the spending bill for the war in Iraq. Dubya has promised to veto it because he says it forces an arbitrary exit date and doesn't support the troops. Meanwhile, the 'war' against terrorism is completely free of any ambiguity and makes complete sense, and it seems that most people don't seem to care because we're more inspired by what happens on Lost or we're more enthusiastic about the competition in American Idol because Sanjaya was voted off.

However, I think we're going to shake off our indifferent malaise, and realize that supporting the troops means bringing them home within a prescribed date. We've got a big mess to help clean up, and I don't think the continuation of large-scale military actions abroad is the best way to help people understand that America is about democracy and freedom. We need smaller scale, black ops insertions where we would execute missions about which we'd feel ashamed to tell our children we had helped execute.

Anyways...the Police song. It's a good one. It smacks of the 80s sound, and even though it's a commentary on the war going on during the Reagan administration, it could just as easily be sung and felt in 2007.

The general scratches his belly and thinks
His pay is good but his officers stink
Guerrilla girl, hard and sweet
A military man would love
to meet

The president looks in the mirror and speaks
His shirts are clean but his country reeks
Unpaid bills
Afghanistan hills

Bombs away
But we're ok
...

The general only wants to teach France to dance
His army life doesn't give him any romance
Guerrilla girl, hard and sweet
A military man would love to meet

The general scratches his belly and thinks
His pay is good but his company stinks
Guerrilla girl, hard and sweet
A military man would love to meet

Bombs away
But were ok
Bombs away
We all obey
...

We need ol' Dubya to obey the American people. We don't support his war, and he needs to listen to the messages that Congress is sending.

You see, George, Congress is supposed to be representative of the people in the 50 states. They're supposed to go to bat for folks who don't have a Karl Rove or Dick Cheney in the back pocket, because Lord knows those guys are evil, but have proven to be very effective in maintaining an iron grip on the rudder while crushing any opposing viewpoint.

Hmm...'iron grip'...'crushing viewpoints'? Sounds like Soviet communism to me. Hey! Karl (Karl Marx? hmmm, I smell something deceptively communistic about this) and Dick, do you happen to be card carrying members of the Communist party? I know...I shouldn't say that...it's not fair to Communists. Sorry guys.

Hmm. It's almost like the current White House administration wants us to emulate the Chinese government...they're no longer really Communists. They're more like Socialists with well-funded banks with G-men patrolling the Internet to make sure that no one is blogging about how they'd like to have more news about the outside world. The message now is, 'we'll let you get rich, but leave the politics to us'.

I digress. What I mean to say is that a song from the 80s, is just as appropriate now as it was then. And, of course, songs from the 60s are still just as relevant now. And the songs, poems, and literature preceding the 60s are just as germane.

History is doomed to repeat itself, but in the meantime, the weapons get bigger and badder. I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that we try something different this time around. If we've still a planet in 2008, let's wash the filth away and start clean...well, as clean as we can.

You are now watching me tuck a t-shirt into my underwear

This has been generating more buzz than ol' sparky! It's Web 2.0 in your face...all the time: Justin.tv. Justin is Justin Kan, formerly known as the guy who sold an online calendaring tool on ebay (the winning bid was $258,000).

The site's crazy stupid busy, and only allows so many connections to the server, so this embedded video may not help you out right now. (Note to VP of Tech, Kyle Vogt: need more bandwidth please). Depending on when you look, you might only see a bedroom with someone with the covers pulled over his head. That's Justin Kan sleeping.



Who'd thunk that your average Justin 20-something wearing a headcam, and connecting it to a mobile wireless transmitter to stream video would make such a splash. He's even made his mobile number available for those that wish to call him while he's out and about filming a day in a life: 415-948-3219.

I would imagine that online advertisers are slitting each other's throats to put some clever flash/rollover banners on the site. Justin.tv not only allows you to watch the riveting drama of him sleeping (depending on when you watch), but also to chat with other folks who come to the site.
You can just see advertisers salivating over this. Who's going to be the first to pay to have their product or service plastered on the viewing portal of someone's life? Now, to maintain the viewer base what kinds of activities will they need to do? I'm assuming the traffic to the site is considerable, but at some point it might get stale.

They should stage a car-jacking or stick-up, then go to prison where they find Allah, then Tom Cruise comes in as a visitor, and gets the Governator to pardon them, then Tom packs them all in a spaceship and flies them to meet Xenu...and we could watch the whole thing.

Still, I like the idea. I'd like for Karl Rove to sport streaming video when he's gettin' jiggy around the White House. I know he's not always the cool M.C. Rove he appears to be. I wonder what kind of riveting material we'd get out of him.

To go off on a seemingly unrelated Web 2.0 tangent: I was having a discussion with my father-in-law the other night about an interview he saw. The topic of the interview was the current White House administration and the subtopic was casualties of war. One of the interviewees...I forgot who it was...said something to the effect that in a war a country must endure having its children slain in combat, while in this administration this loss is compounded by the fact that we have a President whose leadership facilitates the loss of truth.

Maybe this is where the intersection of these two stories lie: Justin.tv might not be exciting, but at least it's something we can trust for the most part.

Rove plans on being the next GOP-branded American Idol guest judge

But first he has to dance for Paula Abdul. If she approves, then he gets to come on the show and select the worst dancer and singer, using his performance on the 2007 Radio and Television Correspondents' Association dinner as the baseline.
You missed it? Oh...well check out the video, and wait for the last 2 minutes. That's when you'll know that there are other people on the planet with rhythm worse than you. He spent all his youth focused on acquiring the One Ring of power and/or modeling his behavior after Gollum, that he never learned how to dance.

Dubya thought it was funny...or was he morbidly laughing at his own jokes about how low his approval rating is, or that Congress passed the spending bill he's threatening to veto and that his veil of shadow is slowly being lifted from the face of the world?
No Dubya...we're laughing at you, not with you. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! Ha.

It's tough being a DVD-sniffing dog

If you're a dog, living in Malaysia, and trained to sniff for plastic, then you might have the life expectancy of a Double O agent.

Crime lords who recently lost (an estimated) $3 million shipment of pirated games and movies apparently put it out on the grapevine that they want the pups dead. As dead as how de Niro articulates when portraying Al Capone in The Untouchables: "I want him..DEAD! I want his family...DEAD! I want his house...burnt down to THE GROUND...I wanna go there in the middle of the night and piss on his ashes!"

Needless to say, the dogs have been placed into protective custody (a bullet proof doghouse), and wear Kevlar doggie vests 24 hours a day. A special troupe of "poison-tasting" dogs have been conscripted from local pounds to sample each meal. Several dog advocate groups have filed suits against the Malaysian government for the alleged unfair duty being assigned to the conscripts. Several government officials have made off-the-record comments indicating that the dead poisoned dogs are being used to help American relief efforts in Iraq, as a plan suggested by Darth Vader (I mean, Karl Rove). The deal involves the Malaysian government selling the deceased dogs to Iraq for use in their meat processing plants.

Rove was quoted as saying, "Hell, who are we to say it's wrong to eat dog!? It's not like they don't purge all the poison from the dog before they render its flesh into tasty kabob-sized morsels! I'm just happy that we were able to liberate these backwards people and give them a job processing dead poisoned dogs that end up being sold in stores across that beautiful country, so their newly democratized children have something to eat other than dirt, which now contains 1000 parts of glass and shrapnel per 1 ounce clod!"

When asked if Rove had ever sampled the dogmeat, he responded, "No, my evil keeps me full during the day, and it's like a warm blanket at night."

Will Rove be the fish that got away?

The House Judiciary sub-committee approved subpoenas for White House chief political adviser Karl Rove, Harriet E. Miers, the former White House counsel, and other aides. This means that they will need to, under oath and on the record, answer for their roles in the dismissal of U.S. Attorneys (USA) within the Justice Department.

Initially, an offer was made of having Rove "testify" behind closed doors without having to be sworn in, nor having the dialog taken as record. Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Patrick Leahy (Dem-VT) called b-s on that.

The issue at hand behind this is a tiny provision in the Patriot Act that gives the President the authority to fill empty capacities with attorneys of his choice, without requiring Senate approval. This suggests that Dubya was attempting to circumvent Congress, which happens to now be under Democrat control, in order to push his agenda. Rove and Miers were both directly and/or indirectly involved making use of this loophole, most likely at the behest of Dubya. This latter comment is just my non-fact based, anti-strategry, coming-from-the-gut take on the whole matter.

O, the hypocrisy of it all. Some Republicans are saying that the subpoenas are politically motivated.

“The only purpose of the subpoenas is to the fan the flames and photo ops of partisan controversy,” said Representative Chris Cannon of Utah, the senior Republican on the subcommittee.

Um...what do you call terminating USAs with false pretense, then going behind Congress's back to fill the ranks with those loyal to the administration and its agenda? This may all be within the bounds of approved legislation, but there's also the spirit of the law to consider here.

Will Rove actually testify? Will he flounder and sing like a birdie about how he was just following orders? It's too early to say at this point. At this point, I'm just hoping that these officials show some integrity and take some accountability for their actions. Am I hoping for too much? Perhaps, but once you stop expecting elected officials to represent your interests in a truly legal manner is the day that we forsake our wonderful democratic country and the lifestyle it supports.

I will say that I feel better about using my tax dollars in pursuing this matter, as opposed to those used to investigate and potentially impeach another President, who happened to lie about getting a blowjob. Somehow, when I compare the two, I just don't think these are apples to apples.

Want to check out what sfgate.com visitors have to say about it? Go ahead and vote on their poll on their landing page. Check it out soon, as it'll most likely change by tomorrow.

It just came to me: Rover is Grima Wormtongue

It sure seems that if you're in good with the Rover, then your seat on the Dark Council of Mordor in the Land of Shadow is assured. Yes. This country is currently helmed by the baddest...the evilest...give it up for...The Triumvirate of Terror newly cast in the Broadway play: Evil is as Evil Does! Yay! Actually we're still working on the title. Maybe instead of Evil is as Evil Does, we could call it Justice-Gate.

Starring:
Rove as Grima Wormtongue
Cheney as Saruman
Dubya as the Mouth of Sauron

Produced by: Your tax dollars
Directed by: Sauron

[Grima? Mordor? Land of Shadow? Please consult your library and check out the epic novel written by J. R. R. Tolkien., or at the very least watch the three films directed by Peter Jackson]

The production initiates in media res during the U.S. Attorney General - White House debacle. Federal prosecutors are dismissed because of "performance-related issues", when really it's become clear that some were being swept out of the way for the hordes of Dark Lord to take their place. As a result, the Justice Department reluctantly responds by dropping Ent-bombs on the White House, by releasing more than 3,000 emails to the House Judiciary Committee. The emails detail the correspondence related to the dismissal of the prosecutors and of the political climate within the agency.

Contained within the emails are rumblings of USAs (United States Attorney) being removed from office as they don't push the Sauron agenda, and being replaced by others who do. In addition, it's been suggested that these new Uruk Hai would replace the dismissed USAs WITHOUT SENATE APPROVAL. Yes, we live in America, and No this is not how things should be done by those in charge of maintaining the public welfare...unless of course, you live in Mordor.

Here's a little bit of lembas to whet your appetite:

Mr. Gonzales believed that the prosecutor, H. E. Cummins III, the United States attorney for Arkansas, was dismissed for performance reasons, the e-mail suggested. But his deputy, Paul J. McNulty, testified that Mr. Cummins had been replaced to create a vacancy for J. Timothy Griffin, a political ally of the White House political adviser, Karl Rove...

...Patrick J. Fitzgerald, the United States attorney in Chicago who recently led the successful prosecution of I. Lewis Libby Jr., who was a top aide to Vice President Dick Cheney, was on a list of prosecutors whose performance was ranked as “not distinguished” on a list Mr. Sampson (D. Kyle Sampson, then Mr. Gonzales’s chief of staff) sent to the White House in March 2005, Justice Department officials say.
NY Times

Want more details? Check out all the emails on the House Judiciary site. They're still posting them as pdfs.

All Tolkien aside, this is a matter of the leadership of this country needs to address. This kind of behavior is accepted because the President and his administration tolerate and nurture it. It's time that the Democrats exercise some of the benefits of being the majority in both House and Senate, and start responding to their constituents. That is, of course, unless Sauron has promised our representatives each their very own Ring of Power...

I'm responsible for AIDS and the Internet

I created, and disseminated the AIDS virus by injecting myself with an al-Qaeda engineered virus then vomited bodily fluids into the flesh wound of a green monkey, thus infecting it. I then took this monkey to the market place and let him bite children and their mothers.

A few years later I invented the Internet. Al Gore is full of horse manure and DARPA got all its good ideas from me.

Not to be outdone by my supremely planned maneuver of gassing Kurds, I seeded the skies with highly magnetized nanofibers and stimulated them with a device I invented in order to cause Hurricane Katrina.

I'm the real owner of Halliburton, and Dick takes his orders from me.

Karl Rove and I ate at the same MacDonald's as children. He was such a bully...always taking my barbecue sauce into which I loved to dip my McNuggets. May Allah cause his condiments to sour forever more. I also gave him his nickname that the Bush president claims to have originated. Slandering false-truth spouting infidel.
I cloned Thomas Edison using a fingernail snagged on the first light bulb, then forced the infidel to work for me in an underground lab in Afghanistan. His computer network is now a highly prized multi-racked farm of PS3s, which he uses to run my various terrorist-themed simulations.

I invented wide-necked t-shirts, which Armani now sells for over $250 a piece. How do you think I'll pay for the mercenaries to spring me from Gitmo? Royalties, baby. I invented them, too, then told the dirty Americans how to use them. Now I have them right where I want them. I will again cause a U.S. recession of unimagined magnitude. How? I positioned Ben S. Bernanke to replace Greenspan....muah-hah-hah-hah!I created Scientology by giving L. Ron Hubbard an overdose of LSD, from which he never fully recovered. His hallucinations came to fruition in his construction of the existence of Thetans. This being said, you must know that Tom Cruise is a walking timebomb, trained to kill should I decide to utter the keyword from my powerfully hairy voicebox. All that kung-fu mumbo-jumbo he learned in all those Mission Impossible films was merely a facade to cloak my sinister plot of using him to kill the Queen, as depicted in "The Naked Gun", which I also adapted for the silver screen.

Kenneth Eng is my crowning cybernetic achievement in the sublime art of nonsensical, pedantic and sophomoric interpretations of solipsism, superseded solely by me as he was merely endowed with a fraction of my engrams.

Lastly, I am the real father of Britney Spears' children. She could not resist my powerful hairy charms. K-Fed was a robot I constructed to make everything look appear normal. Now she is crazy because I am not available to shave her nether-regions The paparazzi, which I invented, ate up the lies I wove into my rich tapestry of invention and innovation.

Sony PS3 now receiving NSF funding

OK, not really, but the Sony PS3 will run the distributed computing software, Folding@home, a program developed at Stanford about seven years ago.

This is a small application that runs on your machine and makes use of your processing power when you're not actively using the machine. I ran it on my work machine about three years ago, and allowed it to take up 100% of my computing power when I wasn't using it.

Why would you install and run this software on your PS3 (which by the way runs a 3.2 GHz Cell processor, which dynamically assigns physical processor cores [8 total in the PS3] to independently do different types of work)? Why to simulate protein assemblies, of course.

Simply, proteins are the body's nanomachines. They are used by the body to construct tissues that maintain processes and initiate protocols. When assemblies don't go right, people can develop diseases such as Parkinson's, Huntington's, Lou Gehrig's (ALS), Alzheimer's, etc. This software runs through permutations of assemblies, which allows researchers to have an abundance of data to directly apply to experimental therapies that could alleviate and potentially cure these diseases.

That's right, you can play your games AND save the world at the same time.

I'm suggesting that Dubya, Cheney, and Rove install this software on their cybernetic government-authored and highly evil proprietary systems in order to regain some semblance of humanity. At least then they'd be able to claim that they actually tried to help someone, and could potentially get themselves moved from the 9th level of Hell (reserved for those knowingly committing betrayal) to the 8th (reserved for those "merely" remaining fraudulent) . This is assuming, of course, that Dubya and Rove are Catholics, which they aren't, so they're screwed either way, and Cheney is a soulless killbot who will eventually reach his preprogrammed kill limit and will self-terminate in 2009 when the new President is inaugurated.