...has just declared that Tom Cruise is Christ for the Church of Xenu! Apparently, David Miscavige, head pod-person for the church, likened Maverick to the big J.C. because he's such an amazing spokesperson for the "religion". Most likely, this claim is heavily supported by the fact that Tom Cruise is a deeply sane and un-glib person, and because he's bankrolling a film (because every other studio didn't want their fingerprints on that trainwreck) called "The Thetan", in which David Beckham's wife, aka Posh Spice, will be playing the alien bride.
No...good. It's the ghosts of these Thetans, who now inhabit us, that make us unable to become the best that we can be, so the Church was set up to clear us of the Body Thetan salty ghost energy. Members pay for classes to become Operating Thetan (OT)-1, OT-2, etc. The higher up you are, the "clearer" you are. Make sense? No? No, it doesn't.
Whatever, I have to go check out that new sushi roll that looks like one of the Virgin Mary's sexy curls. Man, could they whip up hair in Judea back in the day!