Thursday, January 4, 2007

Is That a Pole in Your Tent?

Hollywood tentpole productions explode on the summertime movie battlefield. In 2007, we'll have a movie version of a cartoon program popular with folks who were around 11 years old in the early-mid 1980s. OK...I was one of those kids, and yes I played with the Transformers. I could never figure out how all the Autobots could fit inside of Jetscream on the cartoons, while the real-world action figures didn't seem to have a shrink feature.

I'm looking forward to seeing the film, yes. The story is basically one where it's man vs. evil man-like machine (Decepticons), where man is assisted by good man-like machines (Autobots). It's one of your basic 7 plots, but not exactly because you have the Autobots helping us defeat the innumerable hoards of Decepticons. Rumsfeld is doing Megatron's voice, while Condi is providing vocals for Starscream. You should fear the merchandising onslaught that will no doubt erupt in tandem with its theatrical release. Every 10 year old boy will want a Soundwave for Hanukah in 2007...ok, maybe just me.

Please note that there doesn't appear to a single triple A actor in the film, as the budget was most likely spent on the effects. OK, they dug up Jon Voight, John Turturro is slumming, and what the hell is Bernie Mac doing in this film? AMERICA! I hope Bernie Mac's character gets to make an Autobot invoke its mechanical har-har unit. No doubt Tyrese is considering this one big step up from his role in Baby Boy. Hopefully a few dollars were spent on making the screenplay halfway decent.

Also coming out this summer:

May 4: Spider-Man 3
(Vegan Spider meets that 70s show actor)

May 18: Shrek the Third
(fur fook's sayke, ee-noof with tha green troll...ack!)

May 25: Pirates of The Caribbean: At World's End
(didn't#2 just come out?! Sheesh!)

June 8: Ocean's Thirteen
(enough already Clooney!)

June 15: Fantastic Four and the Silver Surfer
(yes, Jessica Alba is in it)

June 22: Evan Almighty
(Carell: the new Carrey?)

June 29th: Live Free or Die Hard
(next in line is: "Dead Already")

July 4: Transformers

July 13: Harry Potter and the order of the Phoenix
(British kids act better than Americans)

July 27: The Simpsons Movie

August 3: The Bourne Ultimatum
(Damon...the new Shatner)

August 10: Rush Hour 3

I'm going to have to go with Netflix on most of these, assuming they don't significantly throttle my rentals.

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