Friday, April 27, 2007

Empirical evidence is for sissies and commies

Global warming is such a joke. It's such a fear ploy enacted by politicians and money hungry environmentalists. Everyone knows that temperature change is dictated by the glorious breath of the Lord. When He inhales, it's chilly (thanks for the snow, Lord!) and when he exhales, it's warm (thanks for letting us wear shorts, Lord!). Anyone who suggests otherwise is a crackpot commie sissie who just wants to eat granola and hug trees.

The Breath Theory holds true throughout history. The Lord's breath explains why we're now seeing Warming Island (thanks for the clever name, Lord!).

In 1985 it looked like this:
In 2005 it looked like this:
Thank you, Lord for breathing your cold and hot breath on this island to show us that carbon emissions don't really help blanket the earth and help keep heat trapped. Also, please don't smote me in your wrath, as I do not subscribe to the high-falootin', "scientific", and heretical beliefs of Al Gore. Damn him and his snake-oil travelling salesman talents. You were right to give the election to Dubya, as he's a pinnacle of intelligence, tact, and integrity.

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