Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Lindsey needs her cookies deleted

Lindsey Lohan. She's like that favorite drink you like to imbibe when you go out, but you know you have to watch it when you drink it, because it totally rips your sanity and reason away. Tossed. Out the door. You've hit rock bottom, and start high-fiving everyone when they don't want to be high-fived, and you keep telling the same joke over and over again...to the same person.

So, being the party elixir that she is, and just after leaving rehab, she tears off and starts high-fiving everyone by drunk-driving with a gram or two of blow in her pocket, engages in a vehicular chase with a relative of a former employee, and gets busted by the po-leece.

I'm going to make a guess that her booze bracelet was singing Inna Godda Da Vita during the whole chase.

But the good news is...and this affects anyone who uses the internets...Google, Ask, Yahoo, and Microsoft are all implementing stronger privacy methods to anonymize your search records on their systems. Here are the essentials:

Google: Modifying web search cookies so they expire in 2 years, assuming the visitor doesn't return to the site, otherwise the cookies push the expiration date out each day. In my opinion, this is somewhat meaningless...who are the users who access Google once in a 2 year period? 5 Eskimos and a monk in the Himalayas? Search records will become somewhat anonymized after 18 months (the last eight bits of your IP address will be made opaque). This means that your IP would be identifiable in a pool of 256 others.

Yahoo: They will anonymize data about searches and searchers within 13 months after each search is performed.

Microsoft: Users will be able to choose whether they want to receive ads tailored to their Web surfing habits. The company will also sever the links between information about a computer and the Web searches carried out from that machine after 18 months.

Ask: They're implementing AskEraser, which is a preference tool that allows you to not have Ask store your search information. They'll keep search records intact for 18 months, after which they'll disassociate the search history from the IP address or cookie information.

Now if only scienticians could figure out a way to mask Lindsey's drunkenness and public outcry for a hearty slap in the face and a hug to follow...but then, what else would we focus on: the worst U.S. President in history tethering our blood and money to the petroleum industry while simultaneously face-stabbing the global perception of America whose wounds and scars won't heal for decades to come? Nah...that's too much of a downer and I have to think about stuff that's not fun to think about.

Was Paris chasing Lindsey? That would be so cool if those two tramps got in a drunken, hair-pulling, fight and then Fall Out Boy stopped by to play a few songs as, like, y'know...a soundtrack? That would be sweet. I would totally put those pics on my MySpace page.

No comments: