Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Need spiritual guidance while driving?

The Vatican released a 36-page document called "Guidelines for the Pastoral Care of the Road" contains 10 Commandments covering everything from road rage, respecting pedestrians, keeping a car in good shape and avoiding rude gestures while behind the wheel.

Apparently the Church felt that so many people were hurting themselves and others, so it took a stance to issue an edict.

These were some that the Pope threw out on the final revision:
  • Thou shalt stop at stop signs.
  • Thou shalt not bump bass-heavy music near your momma's house.
  • Thou shalt not rock gold dub spinners unless thou art in the NBA.
  • Thou shalt not bust a cap in your brother's ass on the road.
  • Thou shalt not hit donuts in residential locations on school nights - the Lord considers you a punk-b1tch a-hole should you engage in this type of activity.
  • Thou shalt use turn signals, as they are not merely decorative facets of your vehicle.
  • If thou drivest with a firearm, then thou shall keep it and its ammunition separate (actually this is also part of the Firearm Owners' Protection Act) for the duration of the trip.
  • If thou drivest an SUV, thou shall not sport a "Keep Tahoe Blue" sticker.

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