Holy spooky comics

While trolling through MySpace and Facebook pages under the guise of 'exploration', a news report banner stole my attention away from the abundance of shockingly personal and easily identifiable information: the Catholic Church released an 'Anti Abuse Coloring Book'.

Now all my attempts at prowling the internets will go unfulfilled! The Catholic Church is just so proactive and responsive to concerns about young people being violated, molested, and dismissed.

OK, so I'm just a little in shock from this. Not that it's a completely accurate parallel, but it smacks of the Philip-Morris anti-smoking campaigns.

The funny thing is that the comic above doesn't say 'priest'...it says 'adult', as in: don't be alone in a room with a priest. Just come out and say it, you mean to tell little boys that they shouldn't be in rooms alone with priests because, well...you know...they can't keep their sticky fingers to themselves.

Don't get mad at me for making such comments. Be mad at the Church for the abuse it's enacted upon its parishioners.

Me...I'm Jewish. Jews kick ass.

Need spiritual guidance while driving?

The Vatican released a 36-page document called "Guidelines for the Pastoral Care of the Road" contains 10 Commandments covering everything from road rage, respecting pedestrians, keeping a car in good shape and avoiding rude gestures while behind the wheel.

Apparently the Church felt that so many people were hurting themselves and others, so it took a stance to issue an edict.

These were some that the Pope threw out on the final revision:

• Thou shalt stop at stop signs.
• Thou shalt not bump bass-heavy music near your momma's house.
• Thou shalt not rock gold dub spinners unless thou art in the NBA.
• Thou shalt not bust a cap in your brother's ass on the road.
• Thou shalt not hit donuts in residential locations on school nights - the Lord considers you a punk-b1tch a-hole should you engage in this type of activity.
• Thou shalt use turn signals, as they are not merely decorative facets of your vehicle.
• If thou drivest with a firearm, then thou shall keep it and its ammunition separate (actually this is also part of the Firearm Owners' Protection Act) for the duration of the trip.
• If thou drivest an SUV, thou shall not sport a "Keep Tahoe Blue" sticker.