Nobody wants a free turdblossom

He was called the architect.He outed Plame. He was responsible for launching the Swiftboat Veterans for Truth campaign against John Kerry. He manipulated the Christian Coalition to get Dubya into office. He had a crappy childhood and put all of his energy into aggressive and clandestine campaign operations that successfully launched or supported numerous GOP candidates. He also had killer neck waddle. He eventually stepped down from his role as the Grima Wormtongue...er...Chief Strategeryist.

Who is he?
Turdblossom...aka Karl 'Not Enough Hugs as a Kid' Rove. Check out the article on Vanity Fair. It's good. It's written by the guy who lived on the same street as him.

The man was instrumental in bringing the current world encompassing doom of Dubya. He did it dirty and sneaky and well, and he walked away without leaving a thumbprint on anything. One can only hope that his atomic powered battery wears down and Mitt Romney destroys the prototype blueprints. He can always get Huckabee to replace him...well not 'replace'...let's say, fill in.
But. The ol' Turdster couldn't get even get an audience during the commencement ceremony at a prestigious boarding school, Choate Rosemary Hall. The students didn't want him there. Ha.

Here's part of the editorial from the school:

Mr. Rove would be a very interesting speaker, and having him give a Special Program address could make sense. However, he is unfit to deliver our graduation address. The point of the graduation ceremonies is to celebrate the seniors and the unforgettable time they have spent at Choate and to bring the community together around the climactic moment on the school calendar. Instead, we will be deeply divided. A graduation speaker should inspire us. More importantly, he should represent the values of the school and serve as a role model for the graduates as they enter the adult world. Rove does neither of those two things.(emphasis mine)

Zing!

Turdblossom: he might be able to fool his carefully segmented direct mail list consisting of (but not limited to) unemployed adults, religious zealots, ill-informed voters, and debt-laden graduates who somehow think that his army of neo-cons care about them, but he can't fool some critical high school students. I wonder if he's angry and bitter.

Praise the Lord and beat your wife for birthing your gay son

So I might offend some of you, but you're going to have to deal with it. It's OK. You'll always have Christ and I know that you Christ because you care.

Not to mock the big JC, but do some Christians really believe that God hates gay people...or at least gay cowboys?

Well, I guess if you're in some 'Christian' circles they do given the protest of Heath Ledger's funeral by the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, KS. Apparently this 'house of the Lord' is protesting funeral of the actor because he played a gay cowboy in 'Brokeback Mountain'.

Their website has a sweet, yet chastising domain name. I wish they made hats because I don't know anyone who wouldn't want to wear one of these messages of eternal love: GodHatesFags.com. Isn't that cute?! I totally want to put a little smiley face emoticon here! Yay!

Ironically and coincidentally enough, FoxNews, a bastion for neo-con repressive sentiment and 'anti-liberal' views, has lots of juicy details. FoxNews: a place where Larry Craig, Mark Foley, Bob Allen, or Ted Haggard would feel comfortable talking about the 'dangers' of homosexuality...that is...er...until after all of the...ahem...indiscretions. Ahem.

I digress.

I'm so glad that people like this exist, because they really help define the spectrum of religious zealotry. We have some people so caught up in hatred and self-righteous judgment that they don't seem to mind to exhibit hate group actions by protesting a funeral. Granted, this action may draw some more git-r-dun folks to Topeka, and their website will see some hits, but in the end what's really going to happen?

Heath Ledger will leave an impressive body of work behind, while a nasty, ignorant, and dare I say dangerously homogeneous, 'church' will bitterly wither away, choking on its own spite, for I'm sure more than a handful of that lovely house of the Lord have some parishioners that are finding their same-sex pray partner a little more interesting than constant messages of myopic hate.

Hate it up, haters. Let it burn you up so it frees up space for better people.

Tom Cruise: a walking, talking space opera...David Bowie is jealous

Ground control to Major Tom...

We've seen this coming for some time.

First, he was an unstoppable blockbuster force.

Then, he was a mysterious, androgynous (closet?) enigma.

Then, he erupted into bizarre career-deathing activities with Matt Lauer.

Then...damage control consisted of getting him a gig to appease the Germans who absolutely hate his culty ass.

Finally, or rather I should say, and most recently, his 9+ minute manical, self-serving, cryptic soapboxing of the 'church' of Scientology streaks across the internets.

Doesn't anyone with a high school degree...oh wait...Tom doesn't have one...or at least a modicum of intelligence and rationale thought (oooo...sorry Tom, looking a couple kids short of a Brady Bunch on that one, too) know that it isn't a religion, and really just a manifestation of

1. L. Ron Hubbard's failed sci-fi ramblings and
2. proof that there's a sucker born every minute and with Tom heading the propaganda at least some sheep appear to be flocking to the wolf?

Scientology persists because folks running the show realized that a religious institution benefits from wonderful tax breaks. The 'church' remains venemously litigious to maintain that shield because without it, the honeymoon is over. A recent example is how it responded to Gawker posting the video.

Well, even with his own studio (the recently defunct United Artists, which he 'got' after Paramount dumped his crazy ass), and a would-be Bryan Singer-helmed Hitler-killer movie to woo the Germans he still manages to come across like the person we always knew he was. I'm going to go out on a limb here, but I think he suffers from the malady known as 'crazier than a shithouse rat', which I thought was always a funny saying because the mental image of a rodent kickin' it in the outhouse gnawing on corn dogs just conjures the chuckles out of me.

I don't think I'll ever be able to pay to watch another film of his ever again. Did you see the video that's been making the rounds?

WTF? Why does some of that nonsense he's spewing sound like D&D talk? Apparently, this video was culled from a longer, more agonizing 3 hour version that was blasted in the face of 'parishioners' just before Tom went on stage to accept a humanitarian award: the 'Freedom Medal of Valour'. Ahem.

Where was Tom when I was in that car accident and needed to use a phone? He never flew out of the sky and helped me change a tire.

To me, he's just so glib. Yer glib Tom! YER GLIB!

Holy spooky comics

While trolling through MySpace and Facebook pages under the guise of 'exploration', a news report banner stole my attention away from the abundance of shockingly personal and easily identifiable information: the Catholic Church released an 'Anti Abuse Coloring Book'.

Now all my attempts at prowling the internets will go unfulfilled! The Catholic Church is just so proactive and responsive to concerns about young people being violated, molested, and dismissed.

OK, so I'm just a little in shock from this. Not that it's a completely accurate parallel, but it smacks of the Philip-Morris anti-smoking campaigns.

The funny thing is that the comic above doesn't say 'priest'...it says 'adult', as in: don't be alone in a room with a priest. Just come out and say it, you mean to tell little boys that they shouldn't be in rooms alone with priests because, well...you know...they can't keep their sticky fingers to themselves.

Don't get mad at me for making such comments. Be mad at the Church for the abuse it's enacted upon its parishioners.

Me...I'm Jewish. Jews kick ass.

The menu at the back of the book

I finished Lamb, and what did I find at the end of the book? A mystery recipe? A menu for the week? The last item on the list made me think of how I might feel at the end of the week after preparing more laborious meals...I just want something that requires the same level of preparation as cereal. The punctuation, spacing, and formatting I've tried to retain from the source. I've fixed some spelling...I think.

Given the subject matter of the text, I found the references to matzo made in honor of the characters, but then the Mediterranean cuisine also made me think that the person was of Roman descent, and felt guilty and had to throw in the matzo as a peace offering. However, I keep coming back to the last item, which totally throws me for a loop.

- 1 chix breast
+ cream in processor,
mayo, some mustard or curry

- spread on matzo w/tomato + cube.
-------------------------------
pasta + prosciutto w/ tomato + fresh herbs
4 oz wine
-------------------------------
gnocci w/ marinara or pesto
+ shaved parmesan
-------------------------------
italian sausage w/ peppers + onions
black pepper too
-------------------------------
grits + scrambled eggs

By the way, the book wrapped up just as well as it could. I recommended it to everyone, so sorry if I got all pedantic on the topic, but faith and humor go so well together that I couldn't stop myself.

You should read this book because it's good

You know you're to expect something irreverent and provoking when you read one of Christopher Moore's books...especially when the title is Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Friend. Check out the samples available from this site...you can't read the entire book, but you can definitely get a feel for it.

It's like reading something Mel Brooks, Kurt Vonnegut, and Monty Python would've constructed after drinking pints of ale laced with "special" mushrooms, whose use, of course, I cannot condone.

If you're at all familiar with basic tenets of Judaism, Christianity, and Buddhism, or you're a reformed member of one or all of these faiths, then you'll have a blast. If you're Dubya, you'll have to look up big words like "sarcasm", and even if you're Mark Foley or Tom Haggard then you'll have a wonderful time knowing that while you are sinning, hypocritical, meth-tweaking neo-Inquisitional acolyte you're not alone, and that with a little moderation and some therapy you're going to be okay.

I've read most of his books, but so far this has been my favorite. Maybe it was all the churchin' I had when I was younger, and my boyish fascination with how in the hell did some of those Old Testament guys live to be 600 years old, but I found this to be a read to which I could relate.

There's religion, cursing, lots of sex, violence, and scimitar wit involved throughout the tale, which basically is a chronicling of Joshua's (Jesus Christ) life in that missing section in the Bible where his formative years of life are glossed over. Biff (named for the sound of a hand smacking one upside the head) is Josh's best friend, and they travel throughout the Biblical land searching for the spark of man, so Josh can become the Messiah. Don't let all the bible stuff salt you.

Mary of Magdalene is a hottie, with whom Biff is smitten.
The roots of Jews eating Chinese food on Christmas, and the "true" origin of the Shroud of Turin are revealed.
You meet the 3 wise men in greater detail. One of them has 8 concubines, and keeps a demon locked in a room within his fortress.
You learn why, under certain circumstances, Jews can eat bacon.
Jesus farted.
Judo was invented for Jesus.

If you're easily ruffled, then this book is for you. You can take it to your hate groups and hate on it. If you like to laugh at yourself and others in a constructive and creative way, then it's also for you.