Pod People have reached maturity and are coming your way

New terms thanks to our elected officials:
Poulting: The act of political moulting...or perhaps

Coulting: The mindless hate spew emanating from the skanky neo-con death's head, Ann Coulter? Or maybe it could mean Sen. Craig having to step down as a result of Bathroom-gate.

Craiging: Meeting in the bathroom for hot man-Brad action initiated by doing a Fred Astaire footloose with your intended target

Autumn years:
Whether it's because folks know that it's time to throw in the towel on a soon-to-be lame duck President, his cadre is leaving for greener pastures. No doubt Karl Rove, Tony Snow, Harriet Miers, Alberto Gonzalez, and possibly Craigster will soon be raking in buckets of ducats in book deals and speaker fees, assuming they aren't skewered with a subpoena. Does executive privilege extend to lowly common citizens who foot the taxbill?

Regardless, don't expect Cheney to step down. DARPA has constructed a special exoskeleton into which they will pour liquefied Cheney once doctors deem him unable to continue his job in his current soft, flabby form (being a Dark Lord takes a toll on the body). The model comes installed with a special facial engine which exhibits scowls and hateful expressions taken from the Dark Lord himself. It has a special leg holster for a double-barrel shotgun, a la RoboCop, which allows him to draw down on unsuspecting gay babies. The buckshot is comprised of the teeth of Iraqi civilians killed since Operation Iraqi Freedom commenced. When he pulls the weapon from its concealed location a metallic voice calls out "fuck off" or "go fuck yourself" a la his comments made on the Senate floor in reference to Sen. Leahy.

Amorphous blob to get new quad-core processing power

DARPA (Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency), which is the entity which comes up with tools to equip U.S. military entities recently posted a project which summons resources to create ChemBots.

According to the project, the Phase I milestone is to:

Demonstrate a ChemBot, approximately the size (but not necessarily the form-factor) of a regulation softball (i.e., 30 cm circumference; 10 cm diameter; 500 cm3 volume), that can:
a) travel a distance of 5 meters at a speed of 0.25 meters/minute;
b) achieve a 10-fold reduction in its largest dimension;
and c) traverse through a 1 cm opening of arbitrary geometry and reconstitute its original size and shape, in 15 seconds.

This means that your softball would be able to roll under your door, reconstitute itself, then perform some kind of function using its embedded payload. Picture the flying razor/drill balls from Phantasm, and you could see how gnarly the application could manifest itself. The bad guy from Terminator 2 is also an acceptable analogy.
Past projects of DARPA have involved achieving Metabolic Dominance (providing soldiers superior physiological qualities), portable medical triage devices designed for warfare, and mutant ill-tempered sharks with frickin' lasers attached to their heads.

For more information, I recommend you read Philip K. Dick's short story, "The Little Black Box".

I'm responsible for AIDS and the Internet

I created, and disseminated the AIDS virus by injecting myself with an al-Qaeda engineered virus then vomited bodily fluids into the flesh wound of a green monkey, thus infecting it. I then took this monkey to the market place and let him bite children and their mothers.

A few years later I invented the Internet. Al Gore is full of horse manure and DARPA got all its good ideas from me.

Not to be outdone by my supremely planned maneuver of gassing Kurds, I seeded the skies with highly magnetized nanofibers and stimulated them with a device I invented in order to cause Hurricane Katrina.

I'm the real owner of Halliburton, and Dick takes his orders from me.

Karl Rove and I ate at the same MacDonald's as children. He was such a bully...always taking my barbecue sauce into which I loved to dip my McNuggets. May Allah cause his condiments to sour forever more. I also gave him his nickname that the Bush president claims to have originated. Slandering false-truth spouting infidel.
I cloned Thomas Edison using a fingernail snagged on the first light bulb, then forced the infidel to work for me in an underground lab in Afghanistan. His computer network is now a highly prized multi-racked farm of PS3s, which he uses to run my various terrorist-themed simulations.

I invented wide-necked t-shirts, which Armani now sells for over $250 a piece. How do you think I'll pay for the mercenaries to spring me from Gitmo? Royalties, baby. I invented them, too, then told the dirty Americans how to use them. Now I have them right where I want them. I will again cause a U.S. recession of unimagined magnitude. How? I positioned Ben S. Bernanke to replace Greenspan....muah-hah-hah-hah!I created Scientology by giving L. Ron Hubbard an overdose of LSD, from which he never fully recovered. His hallucinations came to fruition in his construction of the existence of Thetans. This being said, you must know that Tom Cruise is a walking timebomb, trained to kill should I decide to utter the keyword from my powerfully hairy voicebox. All that kung-fu mumbo-jumbo he learned in all those Mission Impossible films was merely a facade to cloak my sinister plot of using him to kill the Queen, as depicted in "The Naked Gun", which I also adapted for the silver screen.

Kenneth Eng is my crowning cybernetic achievement in the sublime art of nonsensical, pedantic and sophomoric interpretations of solipsism, superseded solely by me as he was merely endowed with a fraction of my engrams.

Lastly, I am the real father of Britney Spears' children. She could not resist my powerful hairy charms. K-Fed was a robot I constructed to make everything look appear normal. Now she is crazy because I am not available to shave her nether-regions The paparazzi, which I invented, ate up the lies I wove into my rich tapestry of invention and innovation.