Friday, December 22, 2006

Exxon to Offer Special Xmas Tree Flocking

A federal appeals court cut the $5 billion punitive charge by about 50% for Exxon's role in the Valdez oil spill in Alaska some 17 years ago.

That would have been 5,000,000,000 Washingtons. That would buy my house approximately 7,680 times over. It would also approximately pay for $200,000,000 of my winter heating bills. As I don't drive much, and fill up about twice a month, Exxon could pay for my gas for 62,500,000 years with gas at its current cost. Of course, don't expect to see gas remain at a constant price after this.

Exxon will most likely need to "pass the savings" to the end user (read, you and me) in order to recoup their loss. Never mind that Exxon earned $10.49 billion in the third quarter of 2006: the second-largest quarterly profit ever recorded by a publicly traded U.S. company. The perfect mental image that comes to mind here is the Texan from The Simpsons - YEEEEEHAAAAWWWWW!!!!

If this penalty does anything to measure the damage upon the environment (there were about 11 million gallons dumped as a result of Capt. Hazelwood's glug-glug, honk-honk, crash-crash) just know that this wasn't even the largest oil spill.

HAHAHAHHAAHHAHAAA!! That's awesome. Awesome like all the completed human genome work getting shredded by Pat Robertson.

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