Your Taxpayer Dollars Telling You Not To Fornicate...Sinner

Just when you thought it was going to be okay...just when we could collectively see the light at the end of the tunnel, and even the lumbering, drooling, mentally challenged Bushco apparatus seemed to be indicating a willingness to move in a less Neanderthal fashion - wait, that's not fair to Neanderthals...how about Australopithecus afarensis - the jokiest joke that's ever been joked was joking its way across the Internets.

Apparently, our taxpayer dollars are funding useful programs designed to teach people between 12-29 years old to wait until marriage before having sex. Here are the guidelines. Ha. HA! HAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAA!! Isn't that the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard! It's a good thing that we spent $50 million dollars on that program. Those were your dollars and my dollars. I have no problem with teenagers receiving the message - let's at least let these kids get out of high school first before they start having kids, but 20-30?! There must have been some last ditch effort by the Christian Coalition to pressure Bush by blackmailing him with pictures of him nuzzling with Sen. Clinton.

My favorite legislative priority has got to be letter D. Oh Letter D, you tease me with your hidden agenda.

d) teaches that a mutually faithful monogamous relationship in the context of marriage is the expected standard of human sexual activity;

So, are there any boys and girls who can interpret this...um, priority? It's a loaded statement to be sure, and it could be argued that I'm reading more into it than it deserves, but I hear the message: Christ the Lord ordained the man-boy with penis and the woman-girl with vagina and both shall wait until the 30th summer before engaging in any bumping of the uglies, which of course should only follow after appropriate matrimonial ceremonies, which of course are not available to homersexuals or lebanese people, as they are evil and are choosing to live their life of sin. Tell me if I'm wrong.

I pity the poor troop of souls that sit in their lifeless business environment (read: prairie dog cubedom) and craft and disseminate this tripe for a paycheck. It smacks of fascist propaganda. I'm going to have to side with Jocelyn Elders on this one - she was the Surgeon General in '93, until Clinton had to ask for her resignation because she publicly stated that masturbation should perhaps be taught in order to help prevent STDs in teens. She also said, "As long as I was in Washington I never met anybody that I thought was good enough, who knew enough or who loved enough to make sexual decisions for anybody else." Christlovers/meth-smoking closet-pastors wanted her head. How dare she take the power away from the church and give to humanity!

Big ups to Mark Morford on sfgate for keeping it rizzle. If he were hyphy, he'd no doubt be rolling gas, break, dip with doe's open mang!