When things happen, they sometimes leave a smear on the windshield of the car of life. I'm here to help investigate what that smear is, and if possible, to take a sample to catalog it for future study. Until we get the results from this analysis, we'll need to postpone final judgment.
Quite possibly the most insightful poll ever executed. My hat's off to The Onion for another glorious and scholarly study. This American institution really has its finger on the pulse of the country!
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