Dog Shoots Man

You might've heard of Man Bites Dog, the Belgian film from '92, in which documentary film makers follow the activities of a serial killer. Well this movie has nothing to do with the recent shooting of a man by his own dog. The AP story provides pleasant details, but for some reason it reminded me of another relatively recent 'hunting accident' involving Satan, I mean ol' Dick. Cheney.

In case you didn't see the John Stewart Show in which the eponymous host presented the topic, I highly recommend its viewing.

Accidentally shooting someone in the face. I'm actually not surprised to hear it coming from the man who drops eff-bombs on his fellow politicians. I'm wondering if we can pair up this trigger-happy dog* and our respected veep so the two can enjoy a relaxing pheasant hunt together.

[scene: crossing a stream, the dog and he come upon an open meadow]
(Cheney): What a wonderful effing day. I love bringing death. Sparky?
(Sparky): Woof.
(Cheney): Sparky...what are you doing with that shotgun?
(Sparky): Woof.
(Cheney): (silent confusion permutes to understanding then horror) No...
(Sparky): Woof.
(Cheney): SPARKY!! NOOOOO!!!!!
(Sparky): Woof. (shotgun discharges)
[fade to black]

* I'm aware that dogs are not sentient beings, and although they are completely lovable in all their tail wagging goodness, they would never shoot another person on purpose. Actions such as those are relegated to higher lifeforms such as ourselves. Food for thought or just more reason to love the fact that we have opposable thumbs, which improve our gripping ability on the deep earth tones of the walnut stock on our collective pappy's 30-06.

Reuters a la Frankenstein

So I was looking at some Reuters news headlines today, and thought, "these all look the same! I wonder what it'd look like if I cobbled them together to read as a brief synopsis!"

So I said to myself: "Self, splice them together, but to make it real interesting and a bit of a challenge, don't edit any words, punctuation, or capitalization."

"Jeez," I said to myself, "make it difficult for me, why don't you." I tell you...that self is always slacking off...slacking bastard.

Anywho, here's your daily news report:

Hamas urged the West on Friday to accept a new Palestinian unity government in a plot apparently aimed at 20 percent of women who develop an emergency DNA test on the remains of former Playboy Playmate Anna Nicole Smith but questionable intelligence about Saddam Hussein's links to al Qaeda killed seven military personnel. Prospects of ending North Korea's nuclear arms ambitions brightened a little on Friday as Russia would not be drawn into a Cold War-style arms race. Spain agreed on Friday to hand a judge intelligence documents about secret stone-throwing Palestinian worshippers in clashes at the end of Friday prayers.