Ol' Blackwater keep on rollin'

Except this isn't the Doobie Brothers singing for the Mississippi to keep on shining.

So we had a recent troop surge, but not included in the hundreds of thousands of U.S. Armed Services we have over in the Middle East are private contractors. While some of these folks are harmless little hamsters like those lovable rogues in Halliburton, who stroll around in their WTO embossed jackets, others are big angry men who kick down doors and kill bad guys...but who aren't accountable to anyone.

The Iraqi Interior Ministry recently revoked Blackwater USA's license, which effectively negates the legality of them operating on Iraqi soil. Allegedly, a convoy of Blackwater escorted SUVs containing US State Dept was attached by a group of Sunnis, and the contractors and Sunnis engaged in a 20 minute gunfight, resulting in the deaths of 8 civilians and wounding 11 others.

You could say, 'that's what those Sunnis get for attacking 'Merkins', or 'that's not gonna be good for Blackwater USA stock', or 'that's a good sign that democracy is taking root and this action by the Iraqi government is a manifestation of a new independent state taking steps to protect itself', but what I would be saying if you happen to catch me in a pub with a wee draught of the good stuff is, 'damn. that's a sweet deal for the Blackwater guys...they get to travel the world and operate in secret and kill folks and not be accountable for their actions and get paid sweet sums of money and diamonds yanked from the teeth of rich Iraqi children!' What can I say, I'm a cynical drunk.

Haven't heard about any of this? It's all over the internets. Don't get me wrong, if I was a U.S. State Dept official in that convoy and I was attacked I'd want someone there to assist in getting my ass out of there in one piece, however, I think that task best be left to actual combat troops of the U.S. because they're better equipped to deal with these situations. In addition to the combat training U.S. soldiers are taught to understand the importance of winning hearts and minds, and killing civilians isn't generally a best practice measure in such an endeavor.

On the other hand, if you're in the State Dept and you're accompanied by Blackwater, or you're an 'insurgent', and you all have guns and bombs and you don't like each other and are fixin to spill some blood, how much does morality matter as long as your ass lives to fight another day?

What I mean is that in hiring mercenaries for certain jobs in Iraq:
1) it's a sign that the White House was planning to do some effed up isht, because it's on par with farming out torture to other countries, like our "sworn" enemy, Syria.
2) it doesn't make me feel good about my taxpayer dollars going to fund a such an organization because a) they are accountable to no one, and b) they tarnish the mental connection I have between the word 'blackwater' and The Doobie Brothers.

Big angry men who love Obama

Last night we got to hang out with a couple I've known since high school. It was awesome seeing them, catching up, and hearing about what they're up to these days. He works for an organization that directs cadres of big angry men who break down doors and kill bad guys. At least that's what he calls it. I thought it sounded sublimely and descriptively non-committive which is just what we need in the hearty age of information and its impact on rhetoric.

Speaking of rhetoric, Barack Obama has smartly requested "'that copyright rules be waived so that video from Democratic presidential debates is publicly available "for free and without restriction.'"

Dude, this guy is awesome. He sent a letter to Howard Dean, our favorite exuberant Democratic National Committee Chairman, and the Republican National Committee Chairman Mel Martinez "asking them to ensure that debate video can 'be shared, re-used, and freely blogged about without the uploader of the video being deemed a lawbreaker.'"

In the letter, he got signatures from Craig Newmark, founder of Craigslist; Jimmy Wales, founder of Wikipedia; former Federal Election Commission Chairman Brad Smith; Markos Moulitsas, founder of the political blog DailyKos.com, and MoveOn.org Civic Action executive director Eli Pariser.

Either Obama himself is brilliant, or he's got some great campaigner expertise coming up with these ideas. His actions in these areas help define him as innovative, tolerant, and facilitative: all good qualities we'll need in a new President.

So, to all those wonderful Obama hopefuls, and big angry men who break down doors and kill bad guys, I want to devote this song to you and your loved ones. May it inspire you for the challenges to come.

That settles it: I am joining the Army

I had been waffling on the edge there for a while. I knew I was going to join the Armed Services, but I just wasn't sure in which branch I wanted to serve.

I had narrowed it down to the Marines or the Army. Not that there's anything wrong with the Navy or the Navy Junior, I mean, the Air Force.

Do I do Marine Recon or become an Army Ranger then proceed onto Special Forces, and finally become an Operator in SFOD-Delta? Either way, I'd want to get some tattoos done to commemorate the journey. Well, the Marines can kiss the Semper Fi tattoo on their collective grandpappy's forearm, because they won't be able to get inked themselves.
That's right. The Marines are banning their troops from inking themselves with any new "oversized" tattoos below the elbow or the knee, saying such body art is harmful to the Corps' discipline-and-honor persona. There are also restrictions placed on tattoos that are visible should the Marine be wearing a tank top or some other kind of revealing gym-related piece of clothing. It sounds like there's some discretion with how big is big, however. Needless to say, if I want to get sleeved with my unit's motto, or have "MOM" or some other text inscribed in my flesh, then I want to be able to do it.

Whether I'm tanked with my buddies and we decide to get full color bloody swords stamped on our necks, or I want to have notches inked on my hands for each one of my confirmed kills - I want to be able to do it whenever and wherever I please.

That's why I'm joining the Army. The Army lets me have any body part I want inked up as much as I want. LOVE and HATE on my knuckles? Do it. FREEDOM OR DEATH ringed around my neck? That's mine, baby. It's good to have choices.

[FYI - this is a joke. I am not serious. Several readers have expressed shock and awe at my foolishness in making an incorrect life decision. Yes, I know the Air Force was originally part of the Army and was called the Army Air Corps, just like the Marines originated as an extension of the Navy and share a common ancestry with the Royal (British) Marines. My deliberate inaccurate comments are made in jest. I'm making a satirical commentary on the Calvin-pissing sticker people of America. Deep breaths.]

Tracing the breadcrumbs from a chimp's mouth is a painful reminder that we've been duped

While America's sons and daughters in the U.S. Armed Services don't have the liberty to disagree with their Commander-in-Chief's decree (just take a look Lt. Erhen Watada), the civilians do. A civilian could say that the Iraqis weren't threatening his or her freedom to vote or speak freely or be a Hari Krishna for a day at SFO. A civilian could say that there is no link between Iraq and al-Qaeda. A civilian could go on to say the "Coalition of the Willing" was formed (then dissolved in 2005 - did you hear?) to legitimize a regime change of the country...that and something to do with oil and establishing a U.S. presence in an OPEC nation to secure a stable petroleum teat for our beloved Hummers.

From a civilian's point of view, I question how we got from 9/11 to the present. Based on Dubya's statements dating back to 2003, it sounds like he's saying...well...I can't really tell. It doesn't really sound coherent. If I had to take a guess, I'd say his speech writer's favorite word and book are "hyperbole" and Little Pilgrim's Progress, respectively. Here's what Dubya's had to say about the war...er...conflict...er...skirmish...er...ongoing battle?

...my fellow Americans: Major combat operations in Iraq have ended. In the battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed. - May, 2003
U.S. Fatalities: 139

The plan sets out ambitious timetables and clear benchmarks to measure progress and practical methods for achieving results. In the 83 days since I announced the end of major combat operations in Iraq, we have made progress, steady progress, in restoring hope in a nation beaten down by decades of tyranny. - July, 2003
U.S. Fatalities: 206

As America carries out its strategy for security and reconstruction, we need the resources to do the job in Iraq. Soon I will send Congress a request for additional money we need to keep our commitments. In this time of challenge of America, as we ask so much of our military, we in government have a solemn responsibility to give you every tool you need to achieve victory. - September, 2003
U.S. Fatalities: 320

I'm pleased to report back from the front lines that our troops are strong, morale is high and our military is confident we will prevail. - November, 2003
U.S. Fatalities: 446

The liberty we prize is not America's gift to the world; it is God's gift to humanity. - December, 2003
U.S. Fatalities: 486

We are representing 84 countries united against a common danger, and joined in a common purpose...We will face this mortal danger, and we will overcome it together. - March, 2004
U.S. Fatalities: 705

You will find that fighting injustice and evil requires a vision of goodness and truth. - May, 2004
U.S. Fatalities: 920

We have focused resources on veterans who need it most, those with service-related disabilities and low incomes and special needs. We've established a new scheduling system to make certain that veterans seeking care for a service connected condition are the first in line. - August, 2004
U.S. Fatalities: 1,062

Our men and women in the military have superb training and the best equipment and able commanders. - November, 2004
U.S. Fatalities: 1,342

You have served with honor and distinction -- and a little longer than some of you expected. (Laughter.) - February, 2005
U.S. Fatalities: 1,579

I think the Iraq government will be up to the task of defeating the insurgents. - May, 2005
U.S. Fatalities: 1,746

Our strategy is clear in Iraq. - September, 2005
U.S. Fatalities: 2,012

To achieve victory over such enemies, we are pursuing a comprehensive strategy in Iraq. Americans should have a clear understanding of this strategy. - November, 2005
U.S. Fatalities: 2,192

...that is to be able to say to our country, at any time anybody gets hurt anywhere, they're going to get the best medical care possible. And that's done right here at Bethesda, as well as Walter Reed. - December, 2005 U.S. Fatalities: 2,260

A lot of times people ask me about my attitude about things, and here's my attitude -- the only way we can lose in Iraq is if we lose our nerve. - April, 2006
U.S. Fatalities: 2,484

We're with you. We know the work is hard, but the work is necessary. And we're winning; and we're winning. - June, 2006
U.S. Fatalities: 2,614

Absolutely, we're winning. - October, 2006
U.S. Fatalities: 2,800

Tonight in Iraq, the Armed Forces of the United States are engaged in a struggle that will determine the direction of the global war on terror -- and our safety here at home. The new strategy I outline tonight will change America's course in Iraq, and help us succeed in the fight against terror. - January, 2007
U.S. Fatalities: 3,064

We're pursuing a new strategy in Iraq: a plan that demands more from Iraq's government; a plan that brings security to Baghdad, as our top priority; and a plan that gives our troops the reinforcements they need to carry out their mission. - March, 2007

Today George Bush said:
Yet those on the ground are seeing some hopeful signs.

And on the ground:
An explosion at a Shiite mosque in Baghdad killed at least eight worshippers Monday, the fourth anniversary of the start of the war, while a series of car bombs struck the oil-rich city of Kirkuk in northern Iraq, killing 12, police said.
U.S. Fatalities: 3,217

Happy Birthday Iraq War! You're a big 4 years old!