Monday, December 31, 2012


I always wanted to use Scanners as a title for something. Did you ever see the movie? It stars Michael Ironside as a psychic power hungry madman who can "scan" people, which means he can make your head explode if he scans too hard. It's some classic 80s cinema.

Today is my scan day. I'm going in for a CT scan, which is supposed to show the doctors at the tumor board if the tumor has reduced in size and effectively shrunk back from some of my precious blood vessels, so the surgeons can remove this mutant mass of tissue.

Suffice it to say I'm envisioning a scan that shows some very clear margins, so the board gives me the green light for surgery. The radiation I did was supposed to kill the tumor, but there's a chance that there are still some live cells in there, and I want these fuckers out.

It's almost 2013, and we survived the Mayan apocalypse, so it seems fitting that the beginning of this new year also brings with it the end of this chapter of my life. I'm tired of having it be on hold. I want to grow my facial hair back. I want my neuropathy to fade away. I want to go back to work. I want to put all the peripheral side effects of chemo in the rearview mirror. I want to be able to finger the scar on my abdomen and smile knowing that this evil little bastard is out of my body. Sure I'm going to need to do some chemo after surgery, and in the long run it'll be a blink of an eye.

I want to thank everyone for all their emails, phone calls, conversations, hugs, prayers, texts, healing thoughts, and love over the course of the months. I want to especially thank my wife, who has been the most amazing, understanding, loving, and supportive partner I could have ever hoped to have throughout this experience. When we took our vows, the part that resonates the most is the "in sickness and in health" part. I never expected this to happen to me, to us, and she has shown me what real love is.

Ok. We are on the road and almost there. CT scan with pancreatic protocol here we come!!

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