Reuters a la Frankenstein

So I was looking at some Reuters news headlines today, and thought, "these all look the same! I wonder what it'd look like if I cobbled them together to read as a brief synopsis!"

So I said to myself: "Self, splice them together, but to make it real interesting and a bit of a challenge, don't edit any words, punctuation, or capitalization."

"Jeez," I said to myself, "make it difficult for me, why don't you." I tell you...that self is always slacking off...slacking bastard.

Anywho, here's your daily news report:

Hamas urged the West on Friday to accept a new Palestinian unity government in a plot apparently aimed at 20 percent of women who develop an emergency DNA test on the remains of former Playboy Playmate Anna Nicole Smith but questionable intelligence about Saddam Hussein's links to al Qaeda killed seven military personnel. Prospects of ending North Korea's nuclear arms ambitions brightened a little on Friday as Russia would not be drawn into a Cold War-style arms race. Spain agreed on Friday to hand a judge intelligence documents about secret stone-throwing Palestinian worshippers in clashes at the end of Friday prayers.