Xenu to land on J-Lo's ample backside

I knew it!! I knew there was something wrong about J-Lo.

Her dad's a Scientologist...this just in: don't give me any crap about being religiously intolerant - Scientology isn't a religion. L. Ron Hubbard set it up in order to take advantage of the tax breaks enjoyed by religious institutions.

She's a pod-person. I knew it. That means...oh no...Marc Anthony is a pod person by reception! And Diddy? Did he know? Ass-flack?! The horror...oh the horror.

Soon the armies of Cruise and Travolta will join forces with those of Lopez for a mind-numbing, crotch slamming, cheek-pinching assault on your Thetanic energy...and your wallet.